for years after high school, i was constantly unhappy and lonely because i had no friends. everytime somebody was nice to me, i took it as they wanted to be my friend...or have sex with me - maybe i was a loner because i did not know how to make friends i didn't suck off.

anyway, i was an unhappy loner for five years after the accident, driving in my jimmy everywhere miles away to occupy my time. i bought it in 1994 with 50,000 miles on it and in 1997 it had about 200,000. that's how bored and lonely i was. i even picked up a few hitchhikers to get some close human relations!

i was always envious of young groups of friends, young men together, i felt i was being left out. and i was mad nobody was calling me in. i didn't know who to be mad at, so eventually i got over it (if you can call it that) and built myself up in my mind as being "too legit" for youth. i mean, really, i kind of feel i was, seeing youth gallavant themselves around in tommy clothes, hearing "cool" be their linguistic panacea, just seeing so much blind naivete in their states of being kind of repulses me.

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