gays can't 'change' if they're still bound by the pleasure principle. if you're still into licking peoples' faces, sticking your hand up somebody's ass, giving yourself enemas for a thrill...it's likely that you still live for the pleasure principle with a child's mentality/emotional make-up, and it's not likely that you can be anything outside of your libido.

i've had an insatiable appetite to be 'one of the guys,' etc etc, ever since i was a young boy (don't all boys?). it never happened, i never felt one in the same with the guys, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so i developed a homosexual attraction. i used to cruise the countryside looking for 'men' (gay men henceforth shall be known as 'masculivoids') to have sex with, to give me that feeling of inclusion that i have wanted for as long as i can remember.

at the age of 25, pleasing myself doesn't seem as important as it did when i was an adolescent. i don't let my homosexual attraction justify my life or the man i am, this is why i've never had a boyfriend. i figure i'm more real if i were to be true to the man i am by letting him be my one and only, rather than to be true to my libido's wanton desires. though i can lust for masculine images, i can't be defined by the pleasure principle...because, unless mr. manipulator rears his ugly head (he's one of my schizoid-personalities), i can't bear to hear myself putting my equals on a pedestal. i don't consider myself gay because i am not as limited or childish as gays are.



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