"why don't you unabashedly sob all your tears out?"

sorry, i don't think i'm focused enough on 'me me me' to do anything but stand speechless and motionless if someone i'm close to dies or if a part of me dies in some other way. society tells me it's harmful to keep things all bottled up inside, but i don't think i'm pathetic enough an exhibitionist to have anything to let out.

when my best friend for 13 years died, i remember lying next to him and holding him, thinking i was supposed to cry. thinking i was not as good a friend as i thought i was if i didn't cry. my heart was broken, but if i were to have cried in the vet's office then i'd just have been wallowing in my own misery..."poor poor pitiful me". and that's pretty selfish. but i guess the people who have things to let out, have them because they're not mature enough to fully comprehend that life caters to nobody. to cry is not unmanly, not a sign of weakness, but to rebel is...and i guess the two walk hand-in-hand.

oh, then you have the songwriters who cry when people appreciate their songs...and who go to an adult bookstore to celebrate. but that's neither here nor there.

check out my site, www.jaggedlittledyl.com , unless you're there now