tuesday, march 4th
aah. here i am, in my lonely room. actually, as long as my dog is here with me, it is not lonely. i remember my mother asking me if i got lonely, being alone all the time, and i told her the same thing. my dog is like my boyfriend. no, i don't stick my tongue in his mouth or anything perverted, but we're intimate in other ways. he loves me. okay, sometimes i put his snout in my mouth...and sometimes i put his paws in my mouth...and i kiss him probably 1000 times a day...but that's just goofy love. besides, i keep my tongue from touching him.
anyway, i have thought this so many times, so i'm just going to post it: i don't belong in a mental institution, because i'm already in one! my room is my mental institution in that: 1) i rarely get out - little contact with the outside world is bestowed upon me, 2) when i come in contact with other people, i shy away from them and keep quiet, and c) being alone with only my thoughts, i think a lot but i get nothing accomplished. and, unhappy as it may sound, i wouldn't have it any other way. i don't think. well, maybe i would, but that's only if i had friends to do stuff with...but since i don't, i'm content being alone with my dog. we snuggle a lot.
anyway, at the store, i caught myself looking at other guys' chins...and girls' chins. see, there's a glob of fat in the center of my chin, and i'm just seeing how other peoples' chins look. young people don't seem to have fat in their chins, their chins are flat. like the stomach i want. i want a flat stomach and a flat chin. i'm not young anymore, i am 28 years old. with the emotional make-up of a 16 year-old. ha, that's what my one head-injury doctor said, basically that because of the age i was when i was injured, i'll be 16 til i die. that's why i named my screenplay 16 til i die.
for now, this is an okay life. i've got a gallon of my lime-flavored iced tea by my side, i've got a bag of sour cream n' onion potato chips next to the tea, life is good. and i got my dog, attached to my hip. life couldn't be better. not with my present situation, anyway. and i don't even know if it'd get better if i were to have friends. so, i'll just live until i die. do you like clay walker? he's sexy. i love it when he sort of growls his lyrics. funny.
funny, also, is how i was just putting a potato chip in my mouth and, at the same time, i was thinking, "body of christ". haha. seriously.