this is hella funny, but it happened in all seriousness!
see, i was chatting with this one big and strong 19 year-old in the aol gay rooms. i wouldn't have trusted his intentions, being almost 10 years younger than me, but he actually initiated most of the chats, so that made me feel welcome and wanted. well, one night after he signed off, i thought i'd write him a letter. i told him the bed's too big without him, and the chats aren't as fun to be in. that was the first letter, but the second letter is the doozy!
i felt compelled to talk to him, it was like he was my "calling," and that feeling got me to do what was, in sheryl crow's words, "my favorite mistake". by the way, did you hear what that "war is not the answer" t-shirt wearing nitwit liberal said in opposition to gw bush and the war in iraq? she goes, "the best way to solve problems, is not to have enemies". yes, i kid you not, that's what she said. messageboard to messageboard online was having a field day with it - people from coast to coast were ridiculing it to no end!
anyway, back to my favorite mistake. as i said, i viewed a friendship with him as my "calling," so naturally i felt strongly about him. to parody the feelings i was feeling, thinking he'd understand it as a parody and humor, i searched for the lyrics to animotion's 1980s hit "obsession". you know, the one with repeated lyrics like, "i will have you/yes, i will have you/i will find a way and i will have you" and "like a butterfly, a wild butterfly, i will collect you and capture you". well, i copied the lyrics to the whole song, to an email, then i sent them to him, with a subject line of "madness".
i thought he'd get a kick out of it. i thought he'd see it as ridiculous as i saw it as. but, apparently, he did not, because after sending that email i haven't heard anything from him. anyway, i'm still laughing about it, "i'm such a nitwit".