cognitive maturity and head-trauma at 16
you tell me to act my age and i will laugh to myself like mandy always did in biology class - "HA!"
these dreams go on when i close my eyes
i do not remember much about my dreams. i just woke up and saw john was on my windows desktop with a message. so i told him that though i do not remember the plot or anything, my dreams usually take place in high school. they used to star my high school peers, last night's didn't, but i remember for years and years after graduating, they did. my peers as still in high school, not grown-up, no less.
is this why i like the american pie series so much, john thinks so. "it's where you feel most comfortable," he says.
update! it's july 8th 2007 today and i just woke up. with a dream fresh in my head.
i'm always cruising the locker rooms, looking for someone who wants to workout with me, and my dream had my old high school fall play director telling me he'd workout with me to get me in shape for a part he wanted me to play.
isn't that kinda funny - "it's where you feel most comfortable".
it's july 24th today, it's 8:36 pm now, i was gonna log this dream after i awoke but forgot to. so i can't remember much of it.
i was riding a bike like lance armstrong, in a race around a track (i guess) with someone i went to high school with. i don't remember much, so i can't tell you the name.
it's november 15th today, i just woke up with a dream in my head. i was standing in the high school hallway, i guess, talking with a bunch of kids my own age. 16. ha. i have this file on my computer of officer krystal exclaiming "i'll be giving YOU an enema," and i guess i was wanting them to hear it as a response to something they said to me. i didn't want to turn the volume up for them, i guess i was in a hurry for it to come on, so i just played it. i kept playing it. i don't know what i was playing it on, as i was in a hallway with them, but i just kept playing it. "i'll be giving YOU an emema" ... "i'll be giving YOU an enema" ... "i'll be giving YOU an enema".
dreams are so few and far between, and stupid too.
it's february 1, 2008 today. i guess i was in the bs class "music appreciation" that i took my senior year, the band director taught it, he's the one who gave me the role of the "emcee" in cabaret my sophomore year. by the end of senior year, he was angry with my brain-injured attitude and all, he even put my in "in-school suspension" for something i did. or, maybe i was in suspension because i was "smoking in the boys' room" with the derelicts - and i exited and walked down the hall and was approached by a busdriver - only to blow smoke in her face.
anyway, here's my dream: i was lying on the floor i guess in the "band room," and didn't realize they were saying the "pledge of allegiance," until they started. so i quickly got up to stand and put my hand over my heart, and - given the state of my balance after the brain-trauma - i had to catch myself a few times and shift around my feet in order to keep from falling. the band director thought i was drunk (kinda like the cops thought when i crashed into the sign for the shopping center) and gave me some kind of tea to drink that would prove me sober or drunk (kinda like the cops giving me a breathalyzer). he knew i wasn't drunk, he knew i just couldn't keep my balance, he just had an attitude. in real life, he even failed me for his bs "music appreciation" class, probably in an attempt to have me stay back, but having left the school weeks early because i couldn't stand it, the social worker helped me through by coming to my house every day and giving me assignments. so, i passed, even though i probably should not have.
it is february 8th today, i just woke up from a dream i was talking with my grandama who has been gone since about the time of my car wreck.
"but you seem to want your own place," i remember her saying. we were talking about moving out of my parents' house. "i want my own place that i'd be happy in," i sort of remember saying.
i guess i don't remember much else. i have been moved out since the family dog died when i was 21. i haven't really been happy living on my own, until now. maybe for a few years now.
THIS ONE DOES NOT TAKE PLACE IN HIGH SCHOOL OR EVEN AT A HIGH SCHOOL AGE.
it's february 18 today. the dream i just woke from was me in some kind of mad scientist's house. i got the impression that i'd been there a while, thinking that last night was not the first night i had been there. but i know now that i had no dreams of that place previously.
anyway, though he may not have been mad, or keeping me in his house or facility for evil purposes, i was being kept against my will because he said i am a danger to myself and to those around me. kind of like "the bastard of nashville," who also always said that he would not let me out of the contract i signed to be at his head-injury rehab home (that I voluntarily joined as i was coming back from texas to philly). i think the reason he let me cry and be miserable instead of setting me free, was the same "you're a danger to yourself". the "mad scientist" was torturing me with like electric shock on the nipples and stuff, so i guess he could not have been all good. and i remember i was crying all the time and was very miserable. i remember asking to get a second opinion from another doctor, as a means of freeing myself from the hell i was in, but he denied that request and may have laughed at it.
duh, i didn't draw the connection of my seeing Vacancy hours before i went to sleep.
may 13, 2008, i guess it's been so long because my dreams have not been vivid in my memory. it is now. i was having a heart-to-heart with two of my high school peers, about my erradic behavior and brain-injury. "i do things like act proud, because i do not want to be hurt by people laughing at me" and "i repeat things when i'm talking to you, but did you forget that i have a brain-injury" - those are two lines i remember saying. i think i was talking to a girl named christine, i was not really friends with her in high school, but i do remember she wrote my sister to let me know about a 10-year reunion, saying "i hope members of my family have not been bothering you too much" or something that was obviously trying to mock my emailing teachers at my high school with marketing for my website.
come to think of it, i haven't done that in a while. market my website to my high school. maybe i should do it again.
July 24, 2008 - "I gotta quit school"
i was in some class, teacher kind of unrecognizable - though she could have been from grammar school, but she may have been somewhat making fun of me, "gonna run to your mommy again" sort of is what she asked me mockingly. i kind of wanted reason to storm out of the classroom anyway, saw my chance, and blowing things out of proportion with the words "stop making fun of my family" would justify my "breaking point" and my storming out. Kind of like when i blow things out of proportion so i can feel justified in writing letters of complaint to restaurants, etc, as a marketing ploy for my website.
i don't know if it ended there, or if i may have gone into the principals office and it ended as i went in, but all i can remember thinking when i woke up - was i awake - was "i gotta quit school".
august 2, 2008
i got a part in a play. seemed to be a high school production, i am not sure. seemed to be a musical, as i was reading the words of my line on a clef, with the words just below the note they were supposed to be said (or sung) as. i never saw this before, and cannot sight-read while i sing, so i was trying to fake it. and just sound kind of musical. the director joked, "stop sounding so enthused," as i was reading the line slowly and semi-melocically, because the words on the clef had all these holds. and i was offended, almost about to bottle-up and take it as criticism - and before i actually made an obvious effort to rise above the insult and try to do better, i guess i heard a "let it go" and whitney houston's "i just wanna get loo-ooo-ooo-se," then i burst out in a majestic voice: "how DARE you make fun of my acting".
kind of the card i bought erin when we were at clemen's market on 611, a little south of doylestown - it had a man all dressed up in a suit or tux, exclaiming to another "how DARE you fart before my wife". and the other man says, "i'm sorry, i didn't know it was her turn".
august 3, 2008
it was 1:18 am, i was falling asleep on my bed with my dogs. i was in a classroom and talking with the senior year english teacher, about his accelerated class versus college prep. i can't exactly remember much else. i did remember, waking up, but it slipped my mind by the time i started writing this entry.
"these dreams," i should parody, but these dreams on this page...high school is where i am at. it just backs up what the brain injury doctor said, about remeining with an adolescent's mind-set due to being brain-injured at such a pivotal time as adolescence.
i will start on my parody now. see ya.
it is august 15, i woke up just now. this time, my dream was about kelly - who was actually more my sister's friend. she was sally in cabaret, i was the mc, we were friendly but not really that close. once, after my head-injury, she called my sister and the phone was busy, so she made an emergency breakthrugh and my mom went hysterical, as the breakthrough happened when my mom was on the phone, but it kind of was dropped so my mom didn't know what the breakthrough was about and she could only guess that it was me being in trouble.
anyway, back to the dream - i can't really remember what happened, i remember her asking me to do something for her because "your mom doesn't like me". i don't remember much, i hate when i forget my dreams while i am logging them.
august 28, 2008
i don't know if it was the 28th, i was too busy to log it and just described it on a notepad after i had it. not much was on the notepad:
in a meeting n a room, xaruddu we'll get the b ig buy in here and talk about ?
i know that xaruddu is my fingers not being on home row. it's the fall play director i know - and he said, "we'll get the big guy in here and talk about --" - i could not remember what when i wrote this down. but everyone called the band director, musical director, "the fat man," and "the b ig buy" or "the big boy" was him. they were both like real good friends when i went to school. sadly, this is all i remembered when i wrote it down.
november 21, 2008
i can't remember the dream i had last night, or what i was talking to michael kelso about, but i just thought i'd mention it.
november 22, 2008
i guess i was in school or something, i had to get something about 6 inches wide and 4 inches tall adjusted or something. it looked like a piece of thick wood with holes lined up every inch. i asked elizabeth, who went to grammar school and high school with me, to do it as a favor. bridget was there too and some other girl. they all wanted hugs after i hugged elizabeth for fixing it. then jonathan, the class homo, who always seemed to feel as awkward as that word looks. he tried to hug me as well. i put him down in some way. i don't think i called him a masculivoid, but the sentiment was there.
november 30, 2008
i was practicing for my role as the mc in cabaret, at my high school with the same director as when i played it in 10th grade. we were trying to figure out what to do during the instrumental of a song. i did backward somersaults, and the director said i screwed things up because i was being too cocky.
december 21, 2008
i was sitting on the couch, talking with one girl and jackie, just lounging like they do on that 70s show. jackie explains to the other girl the resemblance i think she has with jackie on that 70s show, "his favorite show is that 70s show, and he says i look like jackie on it," she says.
soon, i'm just smiling proudly, saying to jackie that i have to go, because "i don't know what i'm going to do to you if i have to be around someone that looks like jackie burkhart," and start to leave. jackie gets in her whiny voice, loud and whiny like she does to michael when she's not bossing him around, "no, you trust me and let me trust you".
december 22, 2008
i woke up from a dream in the middle of the day about people inviting me to a party at night, but them ending up trying to steal my wallet pack i always carry.
january 12, 2009
i don't know if i was awake or half-awake, but i had to go to the bathroom and i was wondering where it was in relation to where i was. "i had the upstairs designed," i thought, "why didn't i put the bathroom right in the room, instead of having to walk to it".
the bathroom i was thinking i had to walk to, was in the house i grew up in.
january 14, 2009
i was at someone who was supposed to get me something like a ged or something. i went out to the car, unwilling to go in, and i realized i left my coat and wallet there. i was just going to go in to get them, i was scared that they wouldn't be there. but the ged lady found them, though i did not want her to see me in there, and when she found them i felt indebted to her so i had to go through the "schoolday".
january 25, 2009
i had a dream of walking around the city streets with john and craig and sean, when we were going to see truth or dare after i won tickets to it, after prom.
i had a vision of fun...
while i was walking, i was thinking, "how different a 'good time' is this, from pecking away at my keyboard while adding to my website?"
...and it was not that much diff'rent from me
it inspired another song parody
february 12, 2009
i was walking around the school hallways i guess before homeroom, looking for someone to help me out in my quest to skip school. this one kid, brian - who i was not really friends with at real school, he volunteers to help. that was just the beginning, the dream was a lot more involved, but i can't remember anymore.
february 20, 2009
i am tired, so this will be short. paul and charlie were wrestling on the floor in either the school hallway or gym class. charlie was on the football team, i think, and paul wasn't on anything, but paul was holding his own.
february 27, 2009
after hearing glenn beck say "something's coming," i had a 28 days later - like dream.
i was talking to the band director in some street-side house or something, and he told me to go somewhere else (i forget where) and report back to him, and when i got where he told me to go, there was another one of him, but with evil intentions at heart.
all the people were saying "hello...hello..." and i guess walking around like zombies.
february 27, 2009
i fell asleep for a few minutes in the afternoon. i was wrestling brent the wrestler, i had him i guess in a headlock and i just kissed his cheek and let go.
march 11, 2009
TODAY THE TEACHER SEEMED LIKE OBAMA TRYING A NEW THING TO CHANGE THE SCHOOL, AND HE WANTED US TO WAIT HOURS FOR OUR REPORT CARDS AFTER SCHOOL. SO I WAS TALKING WITH MY FRIENDS, "HOW DARE HE EXTEND OUR SCHOOL-DAY LIKE THIS". I GOT IN MY CAR AND WAS GOING TO LEAVE, MY GRADESCHOOL FRIEND SCOTT GOT IN THE PASSENGERS' SEAT, BUT LIKE I SLEEP ON A MATTRESS, I GUESS THE CAR WAS A MATTRESS WITH A BODY AROUND IT, SO I HAD TO SLIDE A LEG IN AND THEN ANOTHER, AND THEN EVERYTHING ELSE. WHILE SLIDING A LEG IN, I BEEPED THE HORN, AND THE OBAMA-LIKE TEACHER I GUESS SAW ME AND WOULD TRY TO STOP ME, BUT I WOKE UP THEN.
march 14, 2009
i was walking and i saw a sign "no smoking or you will pay severe cash fees," so i pulled out one of my bubblegum cigarettes and looked right at the group of little kids who put up the sign. i guess i was at some kind of picnic. an adult came over and explained it slowly to the kids, without making eye contact with me: "dylan is smoking a bublegum cigarette" and blah blah - i can't remember but the explanation was like 30 seconds.
april 18, 2009
"i want to see you get on top of him like they do in girlie magazinese while i give him a dirtyshow"
i woke up hearing those words being said by some "lara croft" type Strongwoman. i was sort of in a hurry to do something before her, and we were trading put-downs while we were both trying to be the first to get it done.
there was one other guy on her side, i don't have a good recollection of him, but i think he was killed off somehow while we all were trying to accomplish whatever it was. it didn't take place in high school, or with people i knew, though the guy who was on the Strongwoman's side, i think i went to high school with. i am not sure, i can barely remember anything.
april 19, 2009
i fell asleep in the afternoon, and i had a dream. i remember seeing a familiar black guy and smiling ear-to-ear because i was happy to see him. he seemed to start to cry. the white guy next to him puts handcuffs on me. i knew they were arresting me for the "hate speech" that makes up this website. which reminds me of a slogan i came up with - "what percentage of blacks voted for mccain, and don't call my tea party racist".
april 22, 2009
it was like i had a ton of 70s show dreams, but i only barely remember one. i don't think i was one of them this time, but i was laughing so hard. kelso was trying to appease some girl by giving her something, i think, and he was drawing a martini glass like on a chalkboard in the air, and when he was done he just grabbed the drawing and it materialized into a real glass. complete with a drink inside.
there was so much laughing and talking going on while he was drawing it. i don't remember anything they were talking about. maybe i was one of them, but the focus was kelso and his drawing the glass. there was so much laughing going on.
april 26, 2009
i spent a lot of time talking with someone about something, then i was running up and down the halls and the stairs at some apartment complex or hotel, exclaiming "wizbang" to everyone while carrying an imaginary large gun because i was scared that whatever i was talking about wouldn't come around and take me by surprise.
april 28, 2009
my mom was telling me that my room was a mess. maybe the house, i'm not sure, maybe this is the reason she does not visit here. it seemed to have pained her, this morning in my dream.
may 14, 2009
i was eating dinner out with a bunch of people. ross from friends comes in with a girl, he was talking to me and nonchalantly trying to get me to acknowledge her.
may 17, 2009
today i was explaining to sara (i think) about the song "move this" - whether she would like it. i may have been working in a record store, i'm not sure. "you like ya kid k (i'm not sure who was the lead rapper of technotronic, ya kid k or felly - i kind of think i remember felly being the model for the group when ya kid k did the rapping). anyway, i said "you like 'pump up the jam' and 'get up,' right? this song is just like them".
technotronic opened for madonna in her blond ambition tour, the one i saw, in 1990. today is may 17, the show i saw was june 17.
i don't know why i was explaining anything about technotronic to sara, she knew about felly. she always did her felly impression in accelerated english class, she put her tongue over her top lip to make her top lip be as big as felly's.
june 12, 2009
i just woke from a dream where i was talking with dave. he was a year below me, i was not close to him, but called him once because i was needing someone to talk to. anyway, in the dream i learned he wanted to start college, i asked him how his moving company job went. when i called him out of the blue that one summer i needed someone to talk to, i learned he was working for a moving company. dave was a year below me. he was in my biology class, and he lived maybe five minutes from me.
june 29, 2009
i dreamed i was standing with a shirtless brandon, he was from my class. he lived less than a mile away from me, though we weren't real friends or anything. i went to see halloween 4, i think, with him my freshman year. halloween 1988, whatever sequel came out then.
he was in my typing class freshman year. anyway, we were talking a bit, it was short.
july 05, 2009
i was talking with dave again, the one from june 12. he was friends with adam in high school, adam was the younger brother of my hero josh (parker in my parody of "things that make you go 'hmmn,' "clyde" in 16 til i die, and "jock" in andy's beach 1996). the one who taught me about the importance of self-love and being man enough to be my man.
anyway, i asked dave if he was still friends with josh and adam, he said he's moved on with his life and hasn't talked to them. i asked dave if he looked down on me for being in my situation, i guess head-injured and stuck in my adolescence.
july 13, 2009
there was this girl in my geometery class when i was a sophomore named dawn. when i recovered enough to start going to school (january of my junior year), my sister drove me - along with dawn, who she had been taking since they became friends through field hockey or something. i didn't like her too much, i guess because she was a year below me and was in my geometery class. i was smart enough to take algebra in 8th grade, but i didn't do well enough to go to geometery in 9th, only accelerated algebra. i guess i was spiteful towards her and never gave her a chance.
anyway, in my dream, i was in a house with my friend larry and dawn came to the door and rang the doorbell. i saw her since the door was open and only the screen door was closed, and i said something like "go away, we don't want any". i may have cursed or been rude, i think, and when i found out that she was delivering larry's medications, i felt stupid.
july 29, 2009
these little kids were trying to antagonize me, they wanted me to give them an obscene gesture so they could report me to their parents or someone, so they would get me in trouble. i guess it may be kind of related to my worry of having a bumper sticker on my car saying: "if kids can be tried and regarded as adults, it just makes sense to legalize pedophilia".
july 30, 2009
"so what do you want to talk about today," someone witha a julia child voice said to me
july 31, 2009
all i can remember was the guy who was driving in my car wreck was dating this girl from my class. she was blond and she sat next to me in science class in 8th grade. she was hot, i guess her hair always made me liken her to madonna. they went out for four years, in my dream.
august 3, 2009
paul (from february 20) and ira (i was not really friends with, he was a headbanger and friends with "nat," we called nathaniel. paul and ira were trying to get me to drive them somewhere, but i didn't want to. i was in the city, i think a gay bathhouse was in the back of my mind. it was a long dream. at the end, i remembered i had called my dad and told him i'd be home, and i remember remembering that and jumping up and down urgently to tell ira.
august 12. 2009
i was supposed to wait at the house for the loan closing people so i could sign things. i forgot to wait, and my friend was taking me somewhere. the loan people followed us and got me to sign.
august 15, 2009
i had been reading about michael phelps before falling asleep. i dreamed i was swimming with eric forman and i had to save him at once, but i did something else, and he ended up drowning. he was in my arms and his eyes shut, and i whimper: "i love you".
september 4, 2009
donna was talking to eric i think, eric said something like "you're not gonna cheat on me with fez," donna said, "no, i will...i want to..." and then something confirming her love for eric.
september 11, 2009
"if you're not ready to go home you shouldn't have gone to bed," my mom said to me and that is what i remember as i woke up.
i dreamed i was on a trip back home or something and i didn't want my mom to know, but i was stuck or something and i called mike's mom who had sent me a letter or something beforehand.
a little about mike - he was a new student at my school in 5th grade, we were became pretty good friends. he asked me and tim over for a sleepover and we rented a nightmare on elm street for the first time there which we all fell in love with. on vhs when it was new on video.
i don't know why i didn't want my mom to know i was in the area, but i called mike's mom for a ride i guess from the airport.
september 22, 2009
i was put in school or something. once school stated with the actual class, i couldn't bear it and i ran out of the classroom. i didn't get far, when i thought "they'd just find me," so i went back.
before the class started, becky was showing me around or something. i kept finding a way to say "oh...my...god - becky..." and filled in whatever. she tells me, "i think you just like having a friend named becky".
october 1, 2009
wow this was the first dream of my high school peers, that didn't take place in our adolescence.
i emailed someone named tim from high school, he was a year above me, and i asked him to tell me about something that happened so many years ago. he called me on the phone in response. at first, he seemed very shy about telling me who he was, but after i said his name with hopeful disbelief...i guess he felt more comfortable. he told me that he does not want to go back in his mind to high school because i think he said it was a violent time for him. i guess he meant that he was angry with himself or something.
he was best friends with josh, who tried to be friends with me after my accident, but i was all down on myself and praising his "most-ut" football player's athletic body. judy jetson said "most=ut" instead of "utmost," and i do it too.
there is a lot of stuff about josh on this website. he's the one who lectured me about self-love and the importance of being man enough to be my man.
october 9, 2009
me and donna and eric were in the basement, i remember something about talking about going down on donna to prove a point or something, i don't know. then she goes down on me, or something.
when i was in 8th grade, this kid named jason was doing a book report, and he follows almost everything he says with "...or something".
october 25, 2009
today i can't remember what the dream was about, all i can remember was that it - oh yeah, i was selling my tv in one of those places that sell it for you on ebay. elizabeth was working there, she was the one who reminded me of marsha brady, which she always laughed at. she and colleen made me and the class homo, jonathan, laugh ourselves silly back in 8th grade.
i guess he wasn't the "class homo," anymore than i was, since we both kept it to ourselves, he just seemed kind of uptight and - well, we were alike in that elizabeth and colleen made us laugh ourselves silly. we both talked in a nasal voice, i guess, and we both weren't very confident.
anyway, i signed something for the agreement of selling the tv, but i did not read it'd cost $2,000 - and i wouldn't get $2,000 from the tv. so, i was trying to get her to reconsider, but she wouldn't - and by the end of the dream she was getting mad, because when i tried to lighten her mood by saying "marsha, marsha, marsha," she raised her voice and said "just get out of my store".
october 26, 2009
trapped in a place where they were feeding brains to the prisoners.
me and someone else were trying to get out, but he told me to wait and we fed the captors the brains they were feeding us.
"there's mocha coming down from all hell," is what the one captor painfully said as he was eating his brain-slices.
"braaaaaains," is what the zombies said in night of the living dead.
october 31, 2009
two dreams, i had one and logged it, then went back to sleep and had another.
i dreamed i was in english class, pardon me, accelerated english - as a freshman or sophomore. i got a 94 on a test, and ken, who i regarded as smarter than me, he got in the 70s
november 5, 2009
i had fallen asleep, keyboard on lap, and dreamed i was making a left turn in a parking lot nearby. a red van was coming up in the lane i had to cross, and just before we crashed i woke up.
i was surprised to see nat and ira - i went to grade school with nat but he quit school after that. he came back junior year. but that was after my wreck...but anyway...they were happy to see me as i was happy to see them. i don't know what we did after that, but i remember tim was there later.
november 7, 2009
it was late morning. i woke around 11:20 after humping my mattress, yes i could feel the cum in my pants. i was hugging a puppy, but not when i was humping the bed.
i would not be documenting this dream, it did not have any of my high school friends or that 70s show friends in it, but it did take place in my childhood home. i couldn't find my puppies, and was calling them and running around the house like crazy. i remember the last room i was in before i woke up, was the "junior study," with the maroon carpet in my childhood house. well, my house from age 8 until age 21.
november 10, 2009
i was vogueing to madonna's "vogue," a spring 1990 song and the mark of my high school days. it was established that i was obsessed with madonna, but that song and the blond ambition tour, well, i can say that nobody remembers dylan without remembering madonna.
anyway, when i woke up from my dream of vogueing, i remember hearing the music playing in my dream. i was vogueing to show that i knew more than one or two moves, i think, i don't remember who i was proving it to.
november 11, 2009
today i was in the backstage area of my high school. i left and there were lots of people leaving the school, i waited for i think it was eric who i was more friends with before we got to high school. when he got to the door, i realized i had to go back to get my shirt. i was sleeping without a shirt in real life.
november 14, 2009
i had a dream i went to school naked and was walking around the school naked. i was thinking the whole time, that i was completely allowed to do it, it was kind of like me wearing short-shorts and tube-tops, which i do during the summer, i was thinking the same thing, "you can't tell me not to".
november 15, 2009
i was walking in a grocery store, pushing a carriage, not making eye contact with anybody as usual. after two people pass, i look back and it was lisa (a freshman, my sophomore year) and i guess her dad.
november 22, 2009
i don't know where i was, but i was either looking at frank's soccer-player legs or i was touching them. i was not very close to frank, he had a sister three years older than me who was in the thespian society (yeah, i was the second freshman thespian - after two, i guess it stopped being a big deal, but i was honored to be the second in 1989, after erica in 1988. my sister was friends with her but she moved away after her freshman year so i didn't know her. erica, not my sister. i knew my sister).
anyway, back to frank, we were cordial to one another, he knew i liked madonna and he always assumed madonna's quirky "santa baby" voice and sung the words "santa baby" to acknowledge madonna when he was around me, i guess. oh, this guy from some gay porno site reminds me of the way he looked.
november 27, 2009
i was doing water-aerobics in the pool to one of the best songs - neneh cherry's summer of '89 hit, "buffalo stance".
after waking and going back to sleep, i had another one - i am pretty sure it was pool-related, but i can't remember what it was. all i remember is telling myself when i woke up, that it and the first dream were both pool related.
december 13, 2009
i was in school and had to take a test, and it took me by surprise because i was already thinking of how i could get over not taking the first one. i yelled and screamed that i was not taking the test and that i was quitting school, then i stormed out of the room where everyone was. my high school band director comes running after me and is stern with me, angry. maybe he was so mad that he spat on me. but he wanted me to take the test, and he didn't want me quitting school and getting away from him.
kind of like real life, when he failed me because he was angry at the brain-injured attitude i got - trying to keep me back, but i left school a month before graduation with the intention of quitting, but the guidance counselor came to my house to help me graduate.
december 14, 2009
i was trying to figure out how to phrase a question i thought would make elizabeth laugh, "if obama is spending his way out of a recession, can i do the same thing to pay off my home loan".
i asked her if she still hung out with kristen, they were best friends during grade school, and kristen went to some other high school. i think i remember hearing something about her in like '94, when i was at gold's gym in flemington, maybe the day or two i went there i was told by the owner of the place. i think i was being treated specially, since i think he knew who i was regarding to my accident and brain-injury. i think i remember hearing something about stephanie, who also did not go to the same high school as elizabeth and i. this was back in '94, i am not sure. not part of my dream, that was the first paragraph.
december 16, 2009
my sister and i had most of the same friends, each being in band and all. we were at some picnic table lit by a fire, a lot of talk was going on if "beck" was going to be here, i guess one of our friends. though, a lot of news has been on about glenn beck.
anyway, one of her friends, geoff, was there.
december 16, 2009
theodore got in a fight with a rat or mouse or something.
december 18, 2009
i was in line for the ferris wheel with my sister. she got on the ride, and no more people were allowed, so i was at the front of the line. two young men were behind me, kind of concerned about my stumbling and being dizzy, and when i had to sit down on the blacktop they seemed more concerned.
december 24, 2009
we were trying to justify craig as good or mean. i woke up hearing "your mom was just mad so she named her son craig"
i heard that as i woke, craig's middle name was peter - the craig i went to the blond ambition tour with - and peter is like wiener, and that is dick. and calling someone "dick" would mean that he is not good.
december 29, 2009
i wanted to get another weight-loss shake trial membership. i signed up for it, and it made me go through an infomercial about it to study before i could get it. this would have taken a long time, and i guess i couldn't get out of it even if i gave up the weight-loss shake, so i was complaining to everyone in the classroom that i had already went through this and i was just wanting another trial. i guess it is like the just right smoothie, where i signed up for the trial and forgot to call them to tell them i was not interested, and had to pay the price anyway.
december 30, 2009
today i was in a line for a school function, i think it was, and girls got to be let in before the boys. ths got me mad, and i started yelling and screaming, like kevin kline in a fish called wanda, "fuck yooooooooooooooooooooooooou". amy from high school was there, her little elite snobbish attitude, "i'm better than everyone". she was a year below me and i was in my senor year fall play with her.
this one came when i fell asleep later on..
i was with my mom, at a brain-injury rehab place in new jersey, inquiring about it. first i remember thinking it was near montclair, where my sister went to college, something about union avenue - then i thought it was near bound brook or new provincetown. i guess i was trying to get the rehab people to tell me where it was, eventually it was near the friendly's in madison near drew university.
january 4, 2010
a bunch of girls were seeing how far down they could wear their tops. the last one exposed her nipple, and like a slow 360 camera shot went all around her. she didn't have a very big nipple, maybe the size of a dime.
when i was young, i remember wondering why my nipples were larger than most of the nipples i saw in the locker room. jj had large ones, but he was fat and i was skinny.
january 24, 2010
there is this banker i liked to look at, he was so nice to me after he caught me looking at him, and he hasn't been there in a while. i miss his smiling face, he was like a ray of sunshine. anyway, i had a dream that we were in a house at the jersey shore, not the house i had rented for my failed movie venture, but i remember he was naked and stroking his hard-on while i was naked and talking to him. no, it was not a wet dream.
january 29, 2010
i was in i guess a room, and i dont remember what i was talking to my sister about, but i kept yelling at her to get out. i guess she started dancing when she knew it would annoy me, and soon she was dancing to madonna's "express yourself," and then "express yourself" faded into the radio station music that i woke up to.
january 30, 2010
i think this took place i guess in 2010, i was talking to someone who said she sat "up front with rachel and laura" in biology class. i didn't know in the dream who she was, besides the fact that laura sat next to me and rachel sat in front of me in biology class. rachel always turned around, squinted her eyes and said "i'm watching you," and i think both her and laura liked me back then. katie sat to the right of rachel at the center table, but i don't think it was katie who i was talking to in the dream. biology class was 1990, year of my head-trauma - oh, i think a.j. (the brother of the driver who got us both brain-injured) shared the table with rachel. i shared my table with laura. lab partners, i guess.
february 05, 2010
i had a dream of travis who works at the convenience store, who i also wrote a song parody about in the form of billy joel's "laura". we were eating lunch at a table in the store, i was talking to him and couldn't talk about anything about myself.
i haven't gone into that store for a year, i nodded my head to him and a co-worker started belittling homos in front of me, and i guess my nod was taken as a homosexual come-on. i don't want to be regarded as a sexual predator, chasing people half my age.
february 19, 2010
i was in a grocery store buying something wih my credit card, and the checkout girl wasn't letting me know if i had to sign the receipt or not. she was like playing a coy game with me. i was going to ask her if she wanted me to kiss her, but didn't. she was smiling and stuff.
february 21, 2010
i was standing with some female i knew, she may have been a few years older than me - she was probably in her 20s. ha. there was a girl named shiela up ahead, and i asked the person "is her name shiela e," and she laughed.
february 21, 2010
michelle obaba basically told me and a group of people that we were not good enough to make decisions for the country and that is why we elect people to.
march 1, 2010
i guess i was in accelerated english class, sara was next to me and she asked to read something i was gonna hand in. it was a page, and i was waiting to see if she'd laugh when she got to the end of it - she did, and as she was handing it back to me she says "you are such a terrific writer".
march 2, 2010
i was standing on the back steps to the house (my childhood house), and there was a fat girl running from the way backyard to the house. i was trying to pick some stuff up and carry it into the house with me before she got close, because i knew she was going to come into the house to harm me. i dropped my eye drops, and was trying to pick them up, and then i went into the house i think without them. she had caught up and came into the house and was chasing me, but chickened out when she saw my dad.
march 7, 2010
tim was mad that i interrupted my military school day - or something like that - to do leg presses. he was so mad that he told the officers. i think i had a dream with tim in it before, or else i was just talking about who i first saw a nightmare on elm street with, mike and tim. scroll up a bit to read about that.
march 9, 2010
i was talking to the leader of what i called, the retard home, he was trying to find out who did something. i may have wanted to dodge blame, so i put my arm around him and said "i like you, loney". his name was lonnie, but his mom didn't know how to spell. i said "i want to do something with you, start something". he was a country music man, he worked for johnny cash and stuff, he's like "well, you can keep on doing your fan club". my fan club, i knew, is my website.
march 11, 2010
i was riding a bike up a mountain, no trail, just wilderness...one other rider looked at me with admiration. i remember when i got to the top, it got easier because i was riding on a floor and i guess not uphill anymore. maybe i was in a building.
march 18, 2010
both me and the texas chainsaw massacre man were being let out of jail. they gave us paper for something and i wrote "fucker" on it and left it for them.
march 30, 2010
my mom raised her hand as if to spank me for doing something that she was displeased with. so i spanked her, and she said i hurt her. i regretted being a teenager at home and vowed to move out.
april 3, 2010
i was in a classroom with the class, i pointed out that my picture was hanging up, it was freshman year i guess. but i said "look, i'm as skinny now as i was freshman year," so i'm not sure. that caused the whole class to start heckling and throwing stuff. there was a lot of laughing going on.
april 12, 2010
there was a bear in close proximity to me and my puppies, whose neck i had to break with this tool. my puppies kept getting close to us, i was scared that i would mistake a puppy for the bear. i didn't and finally put the tool around the bear's neck and killed it, and my puppies and myself were safe.
april 13, 2010
i dreamed a scene with a freddy kruegar element - someone was talking to a nurse in a hospital or something, he was kneeling down and maybe tying his shoe. the nurse was standing up, and as a reply to the nurse, the freddy character stood up and bellowed something and stuck his fingerknives in her stomach and lifted her up.
he wasn't wearing his sweater, i don't even know if his face was burnt. it was a normal person, i guess, with freddy fingerknives.
april 18, 2010
"cats prefer canned foods to be in their pans," someone who looked like a hot kelly (freshman when i was a junior - after searching her on google, i see i was a senior) said to me. i took it out of the can and put it in the cat-pan, and she called me a pan-handler instead of a can-handler. there was another element to the dream, i don't think i can remember. i spent too much time writing down the can-handler section. i should just write down keywords i remember from the dream, then expand on them for my entry.
april 20, 2010
the band director was doing cabaret for the second time in three years, he wanted to get me to play the mc again before i left high school.
april 24, 2010
i kept calling jana from high school my "object," in high school she was kind of slutty but pretty. i had my hands all over her and was kissing her and giggling.
april 25, 2010
andy was laying face down on the concrete, he was going to go swimming with me but i had to take his shorts off. then i had to take his underwear off, but i guess i woke up. andy was 2 years below me in high school, he was in "in-school suspension" when i was in for the day i became a smoker and walked down the hall smoking and blowing smoke in a busdriver's face when she told me to put it out.
i never really had any kind of acquaintance with andy, but i liked his style so much, i guess, that back in the summer of '89 became andy's beach during my senior year. andy's beach is on this website, and so is what it finally morphed into, 16 til i die.
april 26, 2010
i had a dream i was in madonna's "vogue" dance trope, not really the 1990 troupe or for the video, maybe something like what they did on glee with all the madonna songs. my friend got me to watch it, but i left because i thought it was stupid.
april 28, 2010
i had a dream of pete who was the driver in my car wreck, and his brother who was in my biology class. i don't think we were in high school, but it did take place in that time. i couldn't find the remote to turn my tv on, so that's partly why this entry isn't more descriptive. (i use my big screen as a monitor)
apri 28, 2010
i guess i was in the auditorium or something, sitting next to yvette who was sitting next to my sister. i was singing "vision of love" for some reason, starting out softly...and after i sung the "prayed through the night," where mariah gets loud, yvette starts cracking up - because i was singing in falsetto and loudly.
i guess it was kind of like my first band camp, after freshman year - i had a bit part in hello, dolly and one day sung "hello, dolly, well hello dolly" really loudly in falsetto and jen (who was in the "color guard") got the biggest kick out of it. so, being first-year band-camp, i had to sing it in front of the band camp as a form of initiation or something. that's what the dream reminded me of.
anyway, regarding the dream, i was never really friends with yvette, but my sister was. she was in the "color guard" and my sister and i were in the marching band.
april 30, 2010
a slightly disabled ashton kutcher was dying, it wasn't kelso though he had some kelso mannerisms. it was actually kind of reminiscent of michael j. fox and his disease - but i'm pretty sure it was kutcher. he was talking to an audience about it while he was standing and walking around. i guess he had no pants on, and the audience kept laughing at the hard-on he was trying to get rid of. by the end of the dream, things were sad and i heard crying.
the dream was long, but i can't remember anything else.
may 1, 2010
so many years after graduating high school, i came face-to-face with ken and mike - who were both in my accelerated english class. it was a short dream, i just saw them and was a little shy because i didn't know if they cared to see me, but we shook hands slowly. then it ended.
may 5, 2010
i had driven myself somewhere and i saw ethan, who was going to a party or something. i didn't know where i was, he said i was - i can't remember the town name - it was somewhere in new jersey about an hour and a half away from our hometown. i wanted to get home, i think he thought i wanted to go to the party that he and a bunch of school people were going to. i didn't want him to think that, and i didn't want him to think i was imposing by asking for a ride home. but i did say i wanted to get home, and he said i could always take sonia's car. i woke up as i said, "i wouldn't trust me, especially driving in a new city".
may 11, 2010
i was in high school, i was running late for homeroom, i was debating whether or not to miss it to do something important. i can't remember anything.
may 11, 2010
i guess the toaster was on or something, i asked my grandfather (who died while i was in the 'retard home" in nashville in 1997) if he was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on toast. he said no, i told him that i thought he liked the sandwiches - he said something like "not enough to waste 5 minutes to toast the bread" (which is something i would say - i like it but not enough to prepare it myself).
may 12, 2010
i was walking around with this other guy, who was carrying a case of milk. earlier in the dream, we learned that there was a government worker trying to be the only one who was allowed to produce it, i woke up to michael savage's show, talking about regulations of milk or food or something necessary.
anyway, at the end of the dream, the government worker caught up to us and looked like he was going to arrest us, but the man i was with started reading the constitution about the government not being allowed to regulate as the milk-police was trying to do - michael savage was reading the same passage when i woke up, after the government worker started backing off of us in the dream.
may 14, 2010
i was chasing a little old lady around for some unknown reason, she was commenting on her endurance to keep away from me. i don't know why i was chasing her, but it was important. or, in the words of foreigner, "urgent".
may 18, 2010
i was in a locker room with ll cool j, who was getting dressed, and then he left. there was nobody else in the locker room, so i was getting dressed. as i was walking out the door, he came back in and was kind of shy and coy, i guess, offering me the option to stay - so i said, "yeah, i guess i can," then i woke up.
as early as my teens, i have always thought ll was a cutie-pie. yesterday, i saw him on tv as he was curling a few girls from the view or some show.
may 23, 2010
i was driving my sister around and i blanked out a few times and came close to having a wreck. after the last time i blanked out i just stopped in the shoulder - there were other cars on the road that were stopped for some reason. above the car was a bridge or something, and a car was going across it and bouncing off each side each time it went across. soon, the one side gave out after all those blows to it, and the car came dropping down.
may 27, 2010
lying on my bed, i saw lots of people coming up to the house through my cams. my puppies heard them and went out of the doggie door and started barking with the fence keeping them in the yard. i didn't want them to get out somehow, i kept calling "puppies! puppies!" with a little bit of a raspy voice with a cold.
may 30, 2010
someone was in a lottery or something to win a huge amougnt of money. he had to guess if numbers would be higher or lower, for a group of things. sort of like the showcase showdown in the price is right.
he was shaking, he was so excited. he may have been teary-eyed.
may 31, 2010
my insurance contact came into my room and was being all friendly and stuff. she was sort of making fun of me for having a list of things i want to buy or do, hanging on a bulletin board - she said "mommy..." as if i was calling on my mom to help me. but i told her "no, i make a list so that i can take care of things i need to do".
the list had a few things on it that were on the list that i keep on my computer, i think. i remember "chest" being on the list in my dream, and i knew that meant i wanted to get a chest exerciser.
it was roseanne, the insurance contact, who i've talked to over the phone a lot for things related to my car wreck that insurance has to pay for. like doctors' appointments.
june 8, 2010
i remember waking up, hearing "sleeping with the television on" - it was really playing while i was watching another man sort of "dance sync" to - i guess - billy joel's moves. i never saw a video for "sleeping with the television on," so i don't know if there was anything to "dance sync" to, but that was the end of my dream. i don't remember anything that happened before.
june 8, 2010
"what we're going to do right here is go back, way back..." - i know that was an introduction to a pop song probably by a black group, while i was in high school, but i don't know that name.
anyway...i didn't really "go back," as this didn't take place during high school, but i was in the cafeteria with kevin (a senior when i was a sophomore) - he was 1st trumpet and i just took it up so i was 3rd. i haven't seen him since sophomore year, so it was kind of a psyche to dream about him. i don't remember much.
june 10, 2010
i woke up at 8:45 pm, after having a dream. i was with my sister, who was going out with "the gang" we hung out with in high school, and we were at sarah's house to pick her up. i wasn't going out with them, but i went into sarah's house because sarah was seth's older sister - seth was in my class and he was one of my friends - and i went in to say hi to him. we talked for a while, i was a little bashful, so was he - coy i guess.
june 23, 2010
we were assigned parts in a play. i was dave, some other guy was luke and someone else was someone else. i kept reading luke's lines, i thought i was luke, dave never really said much. when i asked if i was luke, they said i was dave, and i didn't want the part because dave was kind of unimportant. heart's "want you so bad" was playing, i guess the script called for it sometime.
june 27, 2010
i guess i was involved in some school or something. some wombman was bothering me - i can't remember how - but i got mad and i think i touched her and she filed a "sexual harassment" report on me. i was arguing with the person she filed with, saying how she wouldn't stop antagonizing me by doing whatever she was doing - i was told "you can file a report too".
june 27, 2010
i don't remember writing the entry above. maybe it was on a day other than the 27th. it is 2:45 pm now, i think i had a dream-in-a-dream, then a dream. in the dream-in-a-dream, i think i was being told that death feels like how i felt. i was just laying down. i hope that doesn't mean i am going to purgatory, in between heaven and hell.
i believe in god and jesus and the holy spirit in me. the holy spirit in me is always on a walkie-talkie to jesus. jesus never talks back, it's a one-sided conversation - but i'm always talking to him. i hope i am not going to purgatory. "whoever believes in me shall go to heaven," is what i know i read were jesus' words.
anyway, i think i awoke from the dream-in-a-dream, and i can't tell you anything about the dream i just woke up from. sorry.
june 28, 2010
there was a girl named dawn in my class. she was very nice to everyone, when we were in school - i guess you can say she had a good heart.
my friend and roommate, larry, was with me and we were buying something from her. i think tickets of some kind. larry was trying to get a cheaper price out of her, and she's like "i'm sure dylan has the money". as good-natured as dawn is, she threw in $30 or $50 of her own money.
june 28, 2010 (i dozed off before 9 am)
i was i guess in the school hallway, i looked back and saw cathy - she was a senior when i was a sophomore, she was in my geometry class.
"where are you living now," i said. she said she was living at the school.
june 29, 2009
i was at the dinner table with my mom and my sister and her friend. i was angry at something and my sister was angry that her home-life was not normal because of me and my head-injury.
june 29, 2010 (around 10pm)
i had a dream of someone i am kind of familiar with today. i'm not sure who, but he was a high school teacher in my dream. the collor of his shirt was unbuttoned, and i was looking at his chest hair.
july 5, 2010 (morning)
i was up-close doing something non-sexual with a blond who hair a lightly hairy chest from it not having been growing for long, and then i touched his nipple and we kissed.
july 8, 2010 (afternoon)
mr. garrison, from south park, was in my dream i guess as a history teacher. after a long dream of humping the bed somewhere, or some other sex-thing, i was somewhere else talking to him and he goes "actually, i was watching you before on the bed". i said, "oh, so you're a little pre-vert," laughing along with him. i ran into him a little, but he didn't take it as my wanting to get close to him - he thought i was too young to be interested in him. so then he thought i was losing my balance again, and he tried to help me regain it.
july 12, 2010
my sister and a boyfriend were mad at something. so mad, that the boyfriend suggested to my sister that they take out their anger on me. so, i get scared and start kicking while i am laying down, and he starts punching me.
july 12, 2010
sara and another girl were taking their shirts off for me and someone else.
don't look at me - stop laughing, sara saya coyly. "sara's giving me the eye," i called out
july 16, 2010 (3 am, uh-huh - uh-huh)
before the dream, i was humping the mattress with 9 images of a hairy-chested 24 year-old on my 65 inch hdtv computer screen. i kept calling him 'big man' while we were chatting - because he was a big man. i want to fuck him so bad.
anyway, i have little recollection of my dream. the "big man" was represented by eric cartman. he was in some kind of weightlifting contest on the outside of what i guess was south park elementary.
july 20, 2010
a month or so ago, i had a dream of the man who used to work at my bank - the dream where we were at a house on the jersey shore and i touched his balls or something. i had another dream of him tonight, he was tired of my wishy-washy gay advances - i don't think he interpreted them as advances, my staying too long with him annoyed him.
he threatened to report me, i was scared and told him that j. lo is not getting in trouble for violating probation - she is getting a warning - this is my first offense, why can't i get a warning?
july 28, 2010
the two radio shack guys i dreamed about today - well, it was the one who i had a bit of a crush on years ago along with his co-worker. i am terrible with faces, but i could have sworn they both were at the desk in home depot a few weeks ago, when i asked about my home depot card.
anyway, i dreamed about both, but can only remember when matt (the one i had a crush on) was rubbing and outlining his hard-on through his spandex (kinda like something prince would do). so i took my shirt off to let him know i was interested. i remember talking to him in bed, saying i couldn't believe that he and his co-worker were boyfriends.
july 29, 2010
i was asking these two gay guys in an office, if this was the place i should be at because i hired people to film my script. so i guess i was somewhere at the jersey shore, that is where i tried to do my script. i don't remember much, but the shirtless one with a hairy chest brought me into another room for sex. it wasn't a wet dream, i did wake up with a boner. i don't know why all my dreams are turning out gay nowadays.
july 30, 2010
i was with two others, hiding out from someone who had speed and who may have been bad. mostly hiding out in an elevator, but from time to time we left the elevator and quickly searched around - sometimes we could deliver a punch or something to him that would slow him down.
august 2, 2010
i dreamed i was in high school detention, i was getting all ready to say, "i don't think i'm supposed to be here...i mean, i know it's detention and everything, but i don't think i'm supposed to be - HERE". like molly ringwald in the breakfast club.
august 4, 2010
i was getting on a new school bus with my new friends, and i realized i didn't have my bookbag. i was yelling for some of the classmates to give me permission to go look for it, i thought i had seen someone put it in the kitchen drawer, but it was not there after i ran back.
in real life, i have just started watching boy meets world - when i had been watching malcolm in the middle and that 70s show, and i think i had new friends because of that.
oh, and when i woke up i heard this old wise doctor giving a radio show, and i think i remember him being a teacher in my dream.
august 7, 2010
at around 3 am, i woke up from a LONG dream. i was hiding out in my house, waiting for the police (or someone) to think nobody is home and leave. it was long. they kept talking, i kept thinking they'd go, but they kept talking. i'm not sure if i called them over, or if they came because the alarm went off (that has happened in real life). but they took so long to leave, leaving me crouched by the door just waiting, hoping and praying.
other people came towards the end, one almost saw me, but eventually they left.
august 22, 2010
"oh, you're ALL gonna pay for this one," i was practicing how donna said that while standing in front of a mirror, waving my finger around like she did.
august 28, 2010
my roommate told me that a friendly's (ice cream shop) was opening up right across the street. the cursive letters were on the wall of the house across the street, but it turned out to be only a soda machine with friendly's brand soda (huh?). it was across the street from my childhood house, not my current house.
september 7, 2010
sarah, seth's sister, was cracking up at my song parodies. i have had a couple dreams with seth in them, he is in the band LES SAVY FAV now. i have had a couple of dreams with seth in them, throughout the years.
september 24, 2010
i had written my mom an email, and after sending it i realized i sent it to marc (my roommate in maryland who i learned died of pancreatic cancer in 2008). i pasted the letter at the bottom of a letter i had sent him before i learned of his death.
october 28, 2010
sean was going to be coming over my house, and i was cleaning up and stuff.
that's it. sorry...anyway, sean was in my school from 3rd grade when i moved to western jersey until 8th grade (he went to a different high school, i think a school for smart people, but i am not sure). he went to the killer 8th grade birthday party i had at my house, i remember going to his house and playing a video game that i liked. i can't remember what it was, though it was probably on atari 2600.
november 11, 2010
senior trip to a city, erin was mad and walked away from the group. we caught up. i was also mad at something.
"erin don't spoil it," i said to her - she was spoiling the day by getting mad and walking away. "spoil it," she asked. i replied, "you're spoiling it, i'm spoiling it, get it so we don't," i was sorta crying. the strangers who were watching us were laughing at my crying.
---------- later on --------------
i was at a place, they were all watching tv and they all answered it in chorus like like a bunch of mind-numbs. i started cursing them out, one girl was mad that i thought badly of them - she struck me and i picked her up by her legs and i guess threw her to the floor
november 15, 2010
some kid in school or chorus got the job to sing the high falsetto for "i'll be loving you forever". he was doing alright, but later on they asked me to pair up with him - so we both were singing "i'll be loving you forever" in high falsetto like jordan knight in new kids on the block.
oh, check out my parody called " i'll be giving you an enema" - dedicated to officer krystal of american wedding.
november 16, 2010
i dreamed i was humping the foot of the high school fall play director. which is weird, i don't like feet because they smell. i don't like balls because they smell. i don't like armpits because they smell. i don't like mouths because they smell. i don't like behinds because they smell. i do not like them, sam-i-am.
december 14, 2010
we weren't in real cars, but that is what it felt like. we were moving all around a big room, i guess pretending we were in cars.
he kept trying to keep me from getting out of the car, he wanted to harm me, i kept driving because he was always behind me, he thought he could drive for longer than i could and get me. he realized he couldn't do this, so he got out of his "car" and started to leave. then when i was out of my "car," he changes his mind and storms towards me.
december 18, 2010
outside at the house i grew up in, it was dark and i was wanting to go (maybe in the pool - i didn't have a pool in that yard, only my current yard) but i heard voices and i changed my mind. i thought they were coming for me, i went up on the deck to go into the living room through the sliding glass door but it was locked (which i thought it would be). i turned around to walk off the deck, then turned back around for the door and then turned around again. i think when i woke up my head was spinning and i was dizzy.
december 27, 2010
there was a hot young blonde behind the counter maybe at a gym or somewhere i was at. i went up there and started talking to her about what i was intending to do at (the gym?). she was all negative, saying she'd have to do this and that, i asked "why are you yelling at me, all i asked was...' - and she said she was not yelling, and i started imitating her and saying nasally what she said - "now i'm gonna have to do this and this and that," and she started laughing. i guess she liked being around me.
december 28, 2010
i had another dream where i was in school and trouble with some girl, my accelerated algebra teacher was lecturing me on behaving in school or something. "i may just never return to school," i yelled, and she goes "what are you going to do for money if you're so disobedient," and blah blah blah.
december 29. 2010
i was talking with mike and nat (nathaniel) from ... grade school, about the mp3 and xm player i just got for my car. i did not mention the xm, just the mp3 and the 8 gigabyte storage. nat recognized it when i told him the model nuber, though when i was awake i thought about it and i think i gave "mp140," my printer. the mexican from "glory daze," which i watched earlier, reminded me of nat. he was mexican, i guess he was illegal as well. his house was always messy, at his party we watched cheech and chong movies, as well as a bunch of porn - like porky's, we were maybe 10 or 11 or 12.
it was a long dream. i remember being at a place to learn - i guess a new hobby or something. the one told me that if i was just going for something new to do then i shouldn't learn. he asked me if i wanted to talk to the one i saw on the way in. i thought he was cute. at first, i thought he meant the older one with a beard, so i was trying to be give the impression of a "no," but then i saw the one he was really talking about and my mind changed. i can't remember much else.
it may have been tai chi, as i learned tai chi as a physical therapy thing a few years after my car accident.
february 1, 2011
i guess i was at the house i grew up at with my parents, they had the lawyer they hired to win me my accident money over. i can't remember any of the conversation, but i remember that when he was leaving i was more talkative - "why are people more able to speak with enthusiasm when they are parting ways," i thought.
february 10, 2011
it is thursday morning, the 10th of february. i just woke up, i had been dreaming of a bunch of people singing "total eclipse of the heart," as they walked out of a church. andrew from my high school i know was nearby, keeping time with the music by tapping his foot, as the people were walking out of the church as they sung with the song playing.
my dog simon died on sunday, i knew this was a funeral for him. after waking, i ran upstairs to do a "total eclipse of the heart" parody...which is here
march 10, 2002- whoops, 2011
someone beautiful and hot (and female) i was trying to stay away from long enough so i could get rid of her underwear that i think i may have smelled. i couldn't put it away in time, she caught me, but she made a joke about it and wasn't offended.
she kind-of reminds me of kelly lebrock, her accent and the way she carried herself. i guess i felt like one of the two nerds in weird science.
march 23, 2011
i slapped my mom lightly and made her lose her balance. i didn't want her to fall, so i was trying to keep her up when i realized what i had done. she fell down, and my dad was called and he grounded me. "well then maybe i'll just have to move out," i said.
"you're not gonna move out, because i called jeff here". my sister (who once had a crush on him) said. i heard "jeff" in my dream, but i knew it was tim. my sister wasn't close to anyone named jeff when we were in school.
i was watching reba today, when kiera almost moved out with a bandmate.
march 30, 2011
there was an outside function, i don't know who was all there at first, but then "brian f" comes in (he was my sister's friend in her grade) and sees me on the toilet and he asked if i was okay. i said that i was just sick. "you know who's brother i am, that's the reason i'm sick," i joked.
yes, the toilet was outside in the midst of all the people.
april 05, 2011
in my dream, it wasn't in a movie theater but it was real life. i guess i had the impression it was a movie because i was looking at it from a "big picture" aspect. i was driving on the road and i offended someone on the road because i was driving naked. he pulled up behind me and was being mean. i remember hearing someone say "he's not a cop, you don't have to listen to him," so i drove off while he was yelling for me to stay.
i guess it sort of relates to my driving no higher than the speed limit in real life, how there gets to be a line of cars in back of me. i actually wrote the police office once to tell them that they need to start cracking down on people who go 1 or 5 miles over the speed limit. i told them that sometimes i go REALLY REALLY SLOW if people are tailgating on trying to make me go faster. oh, i actually said "what is the fastest you are allowed to drive over the speed limit," complaining that i was driving the speed limit and there still was a line in back of me. that's when i said they need to crack down on the people that go 1 or 5 over.
i actually sent a letter, it was not a dream. i was relating possibly why i had the dream i had, to the letter i sent months ago.
april 11, 2011
i had a dream about - something about marc's funeral - he died in 2008 and i read about it online. i shared his house in 1998-2000. my dream was about trying to find out when to "make my peace" with death. waking up, i remember thinking it was related to simon. i can't get him out of my mind, having his brothers here isn't helping.
april 14, 2011
i was not behaving right and the teacher called me weird. i didn't want to do something - i was in kindergarten at the age i am now, or maybe i was 16. i didn't want to do something and the teacher wanted me to stay in the classroom. when she called me weird, i told her that she wants me.
april 18, 2011
i had a dream that i met sara outside while she was driving and i was walkling. the first time i met her took me by surprise, but the next time i was walking the same route and i expected her. i expected her so much, that i had a t-shirt on with her image on itt though the first time we met, she brought up how i always thought she reminded me of bette midler, i'm not sure if i was wearing a bette midler shirt. but it must've been, because when it was bette midler who i always was reminded of when i was in school.
so, the second time i was expecting her to drive past me walking outside, i had the shirt on. and she had her good-natured, "bette midler" smile on.
sara was the cousin of the "do you mind, i'm very thirsty" sara. this one time, at band practice, that sara came up to me while i was drinking from a big cup with a straw. she pulls the cup towards her and just drinks from the straw for a long time. "do you mind, i'm VERY thirsty," she says - and i start to undo my jeans. she got a big kick out of that, so much that she put it in my yearbook 9 months later.
anyway, the "do you mind" sara was the cousin of the "bette midler" sara.
april 19, 2011
i had a dream i was getting on a school bus, i guess for a class trip. i walked on in back of dave and he sat down with someone, i sat down in the first empty seat i saw - next to eric. i was friendly with eric, only went over to his house in grade school. he came to at least my 8th grade super birthday party.
"it just seems like everyone has people who they want to sit with, and then they never end up on the same bus," eric said after i sat with him. "who did you want to sit with," i said. "carey," i think he was talking about kevin...he made a motion with his neck to him in another seat.
april 20, 2011
i was in a much bigger gym than was in my high school. i was trying to avoid the administartion, not the gym teachers, this gym was two stories. i couldn't find a way to get out without being seen by those who i didn't want to see me. i kept going up and down the levels. there was some reason i didn't want to be seen, that happened before i was trying to find a way out of the gym, but i forget what the reason was.
april 22, 2011
i had a dream of being in a competition with an audience, i had to be the one to stick his thumb (or finger) up his butt the most often in a certain amount of time. at first, i was sticking it all the way up, but then i may have seen my opponent not going all the way - so i stopped going all the way.
i kept looking to see if i got any brown on my finger - i didn't. because i am the #1 butt-cleaner. i stick the shower hose way up my butt so it can't go any further. then i poop all the crap out. i used to use the colt "shower shot," until it broke off the hose and got trapped in my behind. then i had to spend 10 or 15 minutes spraying water and trying to poop it out, with my finger up trying to loosen it.
may 28, 2011
there was a commercial for some "brain pain veins" kind of pill, i have heard the infomercial many times before - it's like 30 minutes or something. but i woke up and that was on the radio, and in the dream i was with someone (i think my mom) - we were in a room and trying to be polite that we had to go and we didn't wanna hear anymore from the salesman who was selling the pills. everything we said, he just got back to selling his pills. my mom was trying to be polite, but i knew that politeness would not shut him up. i just wanted to leave while he was talking.
june 1, 2011
i fell asleep in the early evening, i guess - it was just before nine o'clock pm when i woke and started writing this.
i started a fire to burn down the house i lived in with my famly. i don't think it was the actual house i lived in as a child. i guess i didn't really want it to be burned down, because once it got out-of-hand i was apologizing to god (well, jesus) and trying to repent. "it's nice that you wanna repent, but it is only a matter of time," my dad said. "what did i do, all my stuff is going to be burned," i thought to myself. it was horrible, i was so glad to wake up and know it was a dream.
june 3, 2011
i fell asleep in the morning and dreamed i was saying goodbye to all my high school classmates. one in particular, i was standing in a group with cheri and wanted to say something to her, but we barely knew each other. when i was standing there with her, i remembered mike in school when he just said to danielle "hi, danielle, i love you, i wanna hump you". he said it quickly, i don't know if she heard it. i kinda think it was similar to me wanting to say something to cheri but not really knowing her.
june 13, 2011
i was sitting with a bunch of girls who were all laughing and talking about me, one said "he'd look like a redhead with a dick," or something - and talking about sex around me. referring to the scene when cher, pfifier and sarandon are "conjuring up" nicholson's character, i said "i feel like i'm in the witches of eastwick," like dorothy when she's exclaiming something in desperation.
they were trying to put their finger on who i look like, i kept shouting names, "julian mcmahon," "jason biggs" - this might be related to real life when everyone says i look like daniel tosh. they thought i was funny and were laughing and happy to be around me. i said something funny, but i can't remember it to write it down.
june 15, 2011
tim, who i was friends with from 5th grade til 8th (friendly in high school but not in the same classes) - we saw ALIENS and POLTERGEIST II and WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT together. oh, also he and mike were who i rented A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET from the video store with - we really liked that.
i saw a lot of movies with tim - anyway, he emailed me from my website, he used to call me (and others) "faggot" but in my dream he was one.
there was another dream earlier, but i didn't write it down and i can't remember it.
june 17, 2011
i was somewhere in line for something, ethan was at the counter with the other person, we tipped our heads to each other. i can't remember what i was there for.
i think i had a dream with ethan in it, he was in my grade in real life - i "dated" his sister who was two or three years older. i guess i just did it because she asked me to, kinda like when chrissy asked me to.
about the dream, i know i was there for something, i can't remember. oh, it's june 17th today, i saw the blond ambition tour on june 17, 1990. that has nothing to do with anything, i just said it - weird, i didn't mention my birthday on the june 15th dream.
july 9, 2011
i was at the mall and i met 3 friends and 1 classmate i didn't really know but who was a year below me. he didn't seem to like hanging out with us, and he left soon. i think he was brad (master bates, from a dream i posted earlier), i called him brad in the dream - but it was really randy who was friends with brad. i love randy from my name is earl.
i am not sure who the friends were that were there, one could have been tim (the one who called brad "master bates").
time passed, i don't know if i hadn't been remembering dreams or if i didn't care to write them down after waking
october 8, 2011
sitting at the lunch table, i did something and michelle obama slapped me on the knuckles with a ruler. i got up and punched her in the face.
october 16, 2011
i dreamed i was walking in the high school hallways after the bell rang, i thought to go into a bathroom so that i'd have at least some excuse for being late, but then i thought that i'd just wake up and resume school later so that i wouldn't get in trouble for being late. ha. i smiled in the dream and i'm pretty sure i woke up smiling.
october 24, 2011
some black guy was mad at me for doing something he saw as "racist," and he was trying to slice off pieces of the skin on my hand with a knife. i got his fingers into a position where i would have easily been able to break his pinky off, but i told him that i wasn't going to do it because i did not want to hear the sound of the finger breaking off. "i don't want to hear it on me, and i don't want to hear it on anyone else, for i am compassionate," i basically said.
october 26, 2011
i was walking with andrew f, we saw mike b up ahead, "hey, bayhog," i yelled. mike talked with andrew for a while, then in astonishment he brought up "they had to put a tax on students because of what you did," he was referring to something i got in trouble for in high school after my brain-damage. it may have been senior year when i was walking down the hallway and smoking a cigarette, it may have been that day i was masturbating in the instrument room of the "band room," i'm not really sure. i thought i knew when i woke.
mike and andrew were one year below me, they both were in the band, they were kinda friends. mike was first trumpet, i was third. i just picked up trumpet the year before because i wanted to be in marching band, i was not a good player.
october 29, 2011
today, i had a history test and a health test. i put studying off for either of them, and i found out i had both of them. i was going crazy, i didn't want to be held back and there was no way to study for them both. i asked mr. o. (my 8th grade history teacher who usually was a meanie) and he was happy to make accomodations. i hadn't studied for either, but i didn't have to take history after speaking to him. i was still going to be held back, i didn't study for either.
november 2, 2011
i was in some kind of hospital setting, probably mental health but i forget what it was all about...and this one day my mom came in. and i was getting frustrated and i yelled and showed her my fist right in front of the administrator. i had been showing such progress, "but this is going to set us back minons," said the administrator. i don't know if minons is a word that should be used there, but that's what was said.
"what about how i feel," i said, relating to my mother having to be there for her 37 year-old son...i guess i was 37 in the dream - though in my other dreams take place in high school when i would be a teenager. maybe the other dreams are just in high school with my high school friends, but instead of being a teenager i am 37. i have no idea.
anyway, i remember thinking in the dream that my outburst would probably not let me do whatever i was going to do during the upcoming weekend. i remember waking up after thinking that i should wake myself up because i didn't want to see what was going to happen to me.
november 4, 2011
at around 6:30 i woke up - i had been dreaming of rachel and laura, from biology class my sophomore year. i'm not sure where we were, but i think i remember eating little french toasts and eggs my sophomore year, i was assigned to sit with laura and we were lab partners. i don't know how i learned that she grew to kinda like me - maybe she said so when she came to the hospital after my accident that summer. rachel sat in front of me, i dare to say maybe she was a little turned on by me. anyway... i guess i was driving them home in my dream - rachel liked me in the dream, i guess at first, because she was whimpering as i drove. maybe she found that i wouldn't have an animal- attraction to her. i think rachel was regretting going home with me - i remember thinking, "i should try to romance her, i kind of owe it to her"
november 17, 2011
i remember stretching my arms out to hyde from that 70s show, we hugged. i asked him if he could talk with me, i told him of how i hate my life sometimes because i don't do anything. how there was nothing i was interested in and nothing i wanted to do besides acting. he started encouraging me, i told him that it's not something i can do alone and that i'd need to get out of the house and i'd have to audition. that's how i feel in real life, i don't want to put myself out there. i remember waking with him saying "carpe diem, seize the day".
november 18, 2011
i woke up remembering that i was looking for "the fat dog" and couldn't find him. i don't remember the setting, but i was always busting on simon for being large.
november 20, 2011
i had someone sleeping over, and we were running away from some villian while carrying some of my boyhood stuffed animals. fluffy the rabbit, i remember seeing. anyway, the villian i knew, i can't remember anymore.
december 2, 2011
I WAS GOING TO STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL, PLAY hookey, on a day when it was easier to. i asked my sister if she was planning to, also, and she was surprised to hear that i wasn't going to go to the casino but stay home with her. we might have planned to go somewhere together.
december 9, 2011
i dreamed that a slim police officer was walking up to my car and i was in the drivers' seat, he said he was going to register me as a sexual offender.
(that's funny, my website is the only sexual offender in my life)
december 24, 1990 - whoops, it's 2011
seth from school was in my dream again. i don't remember the dream. seth is in the group "les savy fav" now. in real life, not in my dream. ha.
december 25. 1990 - i guess i looked at the above date-mistake
i can't really remember this one, i think i was at a gay bath-house and there was something about a rule that said employees can't talk to customers. i asked if there was a rule against getting to know one another somewhere else. i was told to bring a permission-slip.
december 26, 2011
the older men at the ymca told me that if i ever wanted to come again, i'd need a guardian who was willing to go to jail for me if i ever looked at another man's nuts and been overtly sexual.
january 24, 2012
i had another one previous to this one, i didn't go upstairs to write it down. it was,with a former classmate, but i forget. this one, the band director was talking with me about not wanting to go to church. i opened up to him and said that it doesn't really do anything for me. he said he understood that - it was weird because while talking to me he wasn't all that serious until i opened up to him and said "it just doesn't really do anything for me, you know". in life, though i do not go to church, i am kind of always on a telephone line with god all day. always acknowledging his presence.
february 3rd, 2012
i don't know where i was, what i was doing, but i was talking with my school friend tim (i think), when benny (who i wasn't really friends with) comes up and starts talking to us. he was the jock of 3rd to 8th grade, oh i guess he went to high school with me, i don't remember much of him there because i didn't have many classes with him. kind of like the movie called stand by me, where the narrator says they got to see less and less of teddy and vern. "it happens sometimes, friends go in and out of your life like busboys at a restaurant.
february 14th, 2012...i think...
i was in my childhood house on schaaf road, i got home and saw that someone carved writing into the wall with a knfe. andy daines, it was signed. i have no idea if andy daines is a real person. google has a lot of them, one is a minister. i guess i'll take that as a sign that i should go to church.
march 7, 2012
this small jellyish creature and something that lived on top of it were near me i was trying to pick them up and get them away.
march 17, 2012
i remember washing dishes with the one i rented a room from in maryland. he died around 2008, of pancreatic cancer.
also, i was talking to mariah carey, i asked her if she married the man behind sony just to get a record deal. she whispers with a slight smile, "no".
march 23, 2012
my head is stuck in 1990, i tell you...this is my dream:
"jenn gave me all these magazines with madonna in them," i said to my mom as i was looking at them. i remember that each magazine cover looked like the songbook i later bought of the "dick tracy"-inspired songs, except each song had its own songbook in the dream. but they were magazines. huh?
in real life, jenn was one of my friends in high school. i guess she was a new student my sophomore year, i don't know how we got to be friends - i know she did make-up for the spring play with trish, who did make-up for all the plays and who i was kind of familiar with. we all saw "dick tracy" at midnight on june 15, the day of its release (and my birthday).
jenn also made a lot of cassette tapes for me while i was in the hospital, she would speak about everything that was going on in her life and i guess she would bring the tapes to the hospital where i was in coma.
march 24, 2012
it was something that i didn't need my "mommy" to resolve, but when she was there along with three or four others. i said "i asked you politely and repeatedly not to be here" - years after the brain-injury, i always had a problem with other people doing things for me and not letting me do things for myself. so, in the dream, i guess i could have made her feel sad. i just wanted to take care of myself.
march 28, 2012
the dream i had early this morning was like a movie, it was very well done and put together. it was about getting off drugs or being addicted or something. i remember wanting to log it after i had it, but i didn't. i am surprised that i remembered having a dream if i didn't log it right after i had it.
april 27, 2012
i was in a camp or something, i was talking to one younger than me for a while, kind of wanting to hump around with him. then, another came in and i was talking to him, but eventually the two went upstairs (i guess to do each other), and i was rejected again. in my dreams. ha.
may 17, 2012
well, i can't remember what i was doing with sue and the rest of the characters from the middle...but at the end of the dream i was saying goodbye to them and hugging them. and of course sue was crying.
june 5, 2012
i guess i was watching the news. they were showing a murder scene where someone took a machine gun to these people who were mocking muslims.
i can't seem to remember the kind of person who would do such a thing.
june 15, 2012 (my birthday)
i was in some kind of classroom with 2 others, one being my high school friend seth jabour (who is in the band les savy fav now). the teacher/ counselor (therapist?) seemed to be frustrated that nothing was getting accomplished and that nobody was talking about what we were supposed to be talking about. i'm not sure what we were there for. i wish i could remember my dreams better.
july 27, 2012
i guess i was in home depot and i saw andrew and jj from grade school/high school. i didn't approach them, who would want to be around me, but later on andrew approached me. i asked them to lunch, since i was hungry.
october 26, 2012
i was in school with whitney houston. every time she would sing, i'd get a big smile on my face.
november 16, 2012
ethan had some elephantitis disease (not of the nuts, a line from "the breakfast club," spoken by johnny bender/judd nelson) and was possibly dying. his mom asked me if i could speak to him like jenn kelley spoke to me on cassette tapes that she brought to the hospital. i was so sad that i was crying with ethan.
ethan was a friend in grade-school, high school too...but i guess we were closer in grade-school. i dated his sister, melinda, we saw "who's that girl" together. he went to great adventure and took me, melinda took alisha. that was when i noticed that i needed to start using deodorant.
ethan went into the army or something. my mom talks to his mom sometimes, he got an arm or a leg blown off in the military, i'm pretty sure.
december 21, 2012
written on my notepad, there was "talking to mrs petrella and kristin, when mrs stuntz left art and started history". i remember writing this, i don't remember the dream, but mrs. petrella was a history teacher and kristin petrella was her daughter, dave stuntz was 3 years ahead of me and a guitar player, and mrs. stuntz (his mom) was my art teacher in grammar school. i don't know where the dream took place, but i learned that mrs. stuntz stopped teaching art and started with history.
april 6, 2013
i was in high school again, mr. durner was (like in other dreams) being a bully and telling me that i would not graduate. i woke up when i heard a voice (maybe over the school intercom) saying something about "will not graduate". i guess i thought "oh, i'm having that dream again" and maybe made myself wake up.
april 7, 2013
i was telling my parents that i was in school way too long, i said ten years too long, and i wanted them to let me quit. my dad was adamant about not letting that happen, and i called him a fatass after my mom insulted his weight...but i felt bad so i said i was soorry.
april 9, 2013
josh lane (my hero from high school) has 2 girls, i have learned from constantly looking at his page on facebook. i had a dream that i was doodling on a paper that i didn't realize was owned by one of the girls. i wrote "pocketknife" and two other things for a shopping list, when i realized that it was josh's daughter's paper, i tried to hide my mistake by doodling more and i wrote a "hi" on the paper. i remember my sister saying "you don't know what he's gonna do to you nowadays" or something. i guess she was talking about this whole "protect the kids" campaign that's going on today, or the fact that i run a totally politically-incorrect website and that josh may see his chance to get me in trouble for making such a website...with something totally unrelated to the website.
that reminds me of how my friend told me that the i could get in trouble for everything that the police have called me down to the station for. he said "al capone wasn't locked-up for murder, but for tax-evasion," and he said to stop gambling online because that is what they could get me in trouble for when they really want to get me in trouble for other things.
the police around here must not like me because i am always doing stuff that is borderline psycho, like writing to a plethora (that's a high-school vocab word) of fitness programs and asking for help in inflicting the most pain on a female who (like penny, from "the big bang theory") has taken a class called "101 ways to rip a guys' nuts off". i was asking for a self-defense class specializing in "violence against women". here's the crux of the letter, which is posted in the "letters" sections of this website (2013 letters) - if mentioning a class called "101 ways to rip a guys' nuts off" is condoned and celebrated by the media, i need to know "101 ways to rip a girl's mammary glands off without using the knife which should only be used after the breasts are removed and it's time to hannibalize the breasts". after expressing utmost fear in that letter/email, fear of the motivations of females who harbor animosity of men out of spite for mens' greater heights/widths/strength-levels, i was visited by 2 mental health workers and one police officer. nothing happened then, but i'm sure that they have gotten many more complains about letters i have written to area businesses, and i am sure they don't like how i love to ruffle peoples' feathers.
april 13, 2013
durner was in another one of my dreams. i was in school, all i can remember was standing (probably by the lockers) and trying to act like i didn't care about durner. maybe that i didn't care about being left back a grade. i don't know.
april 26, 2013
i had a dream that i lived in the house i grew up in, and the neighbors built another house on their property for other people to live in. i didn't like it because they were closer to me than the original house was. which doesn't make a lot of sense, because (in reality) there was no room for another house on the next-door property. i guess i related it to my current house in the dream.
oh, the house on the other side of the street from my childhood house - across the street from the neighbors two doors down (dolly) from my childhood home - the owners of that home (george feus or george feuss) had built another house on their property just before they moved away. that has nothing to do with the dream, i'm just remembering somebody building another house on their property.
may 20, 10:10 am
"can you stop pushing me, josh"
leah culton was walking with her leg in a cast next to me. on the other side of me was josh lane, whose big and strong and manly football-playing body was "invading my dance space," as jennifer grey said to patrick swayze in dirty dancing.
i didn't want to bump into leah and her broken leg on account of josh, so i said "can you stop pushing me, josh," and woke up with that quote in my head.
june 02, 5:01am
"insert ae-3430-ad into fd-89-02 and..." i was reading an endless amount of instructions on an endless amount of pages out-loud as if i were in some kind of class. it just kept going on and on, it was endless.
june 28, 2013
i was talking to mrs. ontko about reunions or something, and i said "does talking about your old school days and friends ever make you all teary-eyed and stuff". i guess we were at some kind of reunion or something.
july 06, 2013
mr. durner, the band director of my high school, was in my dream again. i got in trouble because there was some route i took where i was supposed to be doing something and i ruined one of his instruments that cost $500. he mapped out the route i took when i was walking and he deducted that i ruined the instrument. he wanted to be paid for it, he said i could set up a collection-type of thing where i could get donations from other kids in school.
july 13, 2013
i was talking to one of the headbangers in my high school, who i thought was scott standford but wasn't, and we were taloking for a while. he told me that i had an ass like a fine work of art. he brought up picasso, but i don't think that would be a compliment. ha.
july 15, 2013
i was trying to antagonize the female speaker on rape by speaking freely about rape like it was no big deal. craig also uttered the word "rape," i guess it was a school assembly. i can't really remember.
august 10, 2013
i was talking to two people at a table, well, not really talking but uncomfortable enough when not talking to want to talk. i said that i want to find out how to stop being a loser with no friends, and camille made some kind of face. i asked her if she was making fun of me, and she said something and i said that i don't want to go anywhere with anybody or have a normal social life. that's when the dream ended, basically.
later on early morning:
i was in school and had a meeting with two people who didn't work for the school. i was talking to mrs. pursell and she kind of wanted me to get something from her car. i was a little mad because she knew i had the meeting coming up...and it seemed that she had invited herself to this meeting between me and the non-school people. i was a little offended, and i guess i told her and her feelings were hurt because i guess i gave the impression that it wasn't her place.
my mom gave me a financial planner's telephone number, this was in real life, and i emailed him to say that if i'm going to speak to him then he can't talk to my mom about what we're doing. i just don't want a parent-teacher type of conference happening because i am - well, 39 years old. he hasn't returned the email after 4 days.
september 4, 2013
i guess my car was stuck or something, and these people were being nice to me and offering to help. they were all sex-addicts who wanted to get naked. i wanted to get naked with one or two, but i didn't feel right with girls there.
september 14, 2013
mike vasilantone invited me to a party or just to his house. i remember thinking, "if you don't invite him anywhere later on then he will stop asking you". i also thought that i didn't want to go anywhere, just because i like being at home. that is a thought i'm always having nowadays, but i was always hanging out with mike vasilantone and tim steckle (sometimes jason soricelli and nat lara) from 5th to 8th grade. i don't know if i was an adult or a child in the dream. maybe i was an adult in all the dreams, just in situations like school with my school-friends. hmn.
september 18, 2013
steph demoss was in some class i had which mr. wharton (my freshman earth science teacher) was teaching. it was kind of not a short dream, but i can't remember much else.
september 23, 2013
"you may be right," i was singing the words to somebody as it was playing. "you wouldn't want me any other way," i guess i related it in the same way to a c&c music factory's lyric of "if i didn't do this, you wouldn't want me to be your man". all i know is that i was talking to two or three people.
october 18, 2013, 10pm ish
i had a dream i was somewhere and i saw j.d.stem, and i was telling everyone we were with that i was kind-of obsessed with him in high school. i talked about the "dedicatory page" i made for journalism class, and how ms. wood told me that she didn't show him (or print it) because she thought it would hurt his feelings. that actually happened, ms. wood telling me that.
january 11, 2014
either i was driving erin babcox around, or she was driving me. i think that we had both failed our driver's exam (as in real life) and we were practicing with each other. i remember kissing her, as well.
i read before sleeping of how technology is changing peoples' social lives, and how, instead of cutting people off from others, it assists in face-to-face contacts. in my dream, i was hanging out with a group of friends, actual people. the only thing is, they were personifications of the virtual-machines that i have running all day long (my virtual-machines are running 24/7 - er, nevermind, i don't think i should be saying what they are doing).
january 15, 2014
another "you're not competent enough to handle your money" dream. this time i was arguing with my dad and i make the motions to kick him in the face. i am not incompetent, i never have been, i hate loney hutchins because he was the one always threatening me with a competency-hearing when i would rebel against it and try to escape from the contract he made me sign to be a part of it. it was him and his "21st century living services" home for retards.
june 10, 2014
i had a weird dream. i don't know where i was or what i was doing, all i remember was someone asking to me (or me asking to myself), "who is holding you against your will". well, maybe that's the gist of it. i have had so many dreams of being required to go to school, to loney hutchins "21st century living services," but the "who's holding you against your will" really woke me up. er, in a sense. maybe i will stop dreaming of being held captive.