christmas is coming. i do not hate christmas, jesus or religion. at around 8 o'clock on december 22, the doorbell rang.
upstairs, i rushed to the window to see what kind of company car was in the driveway, who would come around at fucking
christmas carolers. though, i only heard Strong Woman's voice, but Strong Woman wouldn't go anywhere at night alone.
but i did hear singing of some carol. one of my dogs went out the doggie door before they rang the bell and starting barking like
a maddog. i assumed my pose of officer krystal and COMMANDED him to get inside. then when the bell rang and i rushed to
the window and heard the carolers through the door to the downstairs, i got angry. my dog was outside on the deck, barking
again - this time he did not come at once when he heard my officer krystal voice. not at twice, either. i had to yell
and scream with my ever-so deep and masculine bass/baritone. soon, i was yelling at the carolers i didn't know were still
around. i hope i scared them away and that they will never come around again. i want to put a sign on my door: NO
CAROLERS, TRICK-OR-TREATERS, HOLIDAY-CELEBRATERS ARE WANTED HERE ALIVE.
that'd be funny. i know i was being totally psycho, i hope i scared whatever kids were out there, i should have cursed more.
i was thinking to myself, "cursing would make it sound like you intentionally want to be deemed a psycho," so i laid off
cursing at first. transparencies are for overhood projectors in sixth grade. i don't even know if they were nearby
when i started cursing.
in the words of bonnie raitt, "let's give 'em something to talk about, how about meee-heeee-heeeeeeee-heeeeeee".
i called the police department and reported the nuisance. this is private property, biotch. well, hopefully they think
an insane man lives here...and they won't be back.
an afterthought: i would have loved to answer the door. picture jennifer grey in ferris bueller's day off.
the singing nurse. need i say more. just the look on her face... on my face.
check out my site, www.jaggedlittledyl.com
, unless you're there now