Some newsgroup had this stuff, under a heading of "the left defined":
"I'm more tolerant than you and I'll assault you to prove it. Or at least scream every time you try to talk."
"I believe in freedom of speech and support it wholeheartedly, as long as you agree with me."
"The second amendment isn't really a right, even though it's in the bill of rights. And it really only applies to the national guard anyway, even though the national guard was invented 130 years after the second amendment."
"I believe minorities are no different than whites. That's why we try to keep them in a permanent victim status, give them special preference in schools and businesses based on their race instead of their accomplishments, and do our best to keep them in public housing instead of in our nice neighborhoods."
"I believe in redistributing wealth in order to benefit the unfortunate. Your wealth, not mine."
"You can't be trusted with guns because you might shoot someone with them. But I get to have bodyguards with machineguns because I'm more important than you."
"Socialism/communism has killed over 120 million people in less than a century. We can make it work, we just didn't have the right guys in charge the last dozen times we tried it."
"Religion is bad. Unless you're a minority from a third world country. Violence is bad. Unless you're a minority from a third world country. Preaching for the destruction of others is bad. Unless you're a minority from a third world country."
"Even though we've never left San Francisco and drive a fancy German car or a minivan, we obviously care more about nature and the environment than those darn outdoorsmen."
"It's wrong to physically harm people, even if your life is in danger. Unless counter-protestors show up to your rally. Then it's okay to vandalize their property and push them into traffic while screaming obscenities."
"White people are evil because they're more numerous and more successful in comparison to minorities. All white people are bad solely because they are white. But don't you dare try to enforce a law that keeps people from illegally entering your country; that's racist."
"Racism is bad and only we represent and tolerate minorities. That's why when a black man becomes conservative, we shout racial epithets and throw oreo cookies at him."
"Voter fraud is bad, unless you're doing it to benefit the liberals. Then it's okay, because it's for a good cause."
"Lying is bad, unless you're doing it to hurt the reputation of a conservative. Then it's okay, because it's for a good cause."
"Vandalism, trespassing, breaking and entering, and destruction of property is bad, unless you're doing it to make a political statement. Then it's okay, because it's freedom of speech."
"Educating children about guns is bad, because then they'll become killers and abuse guns. But educating children about how to use birth control and condoms is good, because then they won't have premarital sex and abuse it."
"People are born gay, they don't make a decision to be gay. That's why we pressure kids into being gay in kindergarten and grade school and make children's books about it."
"Being gay is perfectly normal and mainstream and everybody should have it in their face on a daily basis, even though less than 4% of the population is openly gay."
"It's okay to fund and support terrorists, child molestors, and corrupt frauds, as long as they either support your cause or fit into a minority/victim status."
"It's bad to be intolerant of others, but if someone doesn't agree with you 100% it's okay to publically wish for the slow and painful death of them and their families. They deserve it."
"Lying, cheating, and stealing are bad, unless they support your cause. Then it's okay, because we have to learn to understand and forgive."
"War is automatically bad no matter what the reason behind it, unless it's started by a liberal. Then it's okay, because there must be a good reason for it."
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