inspired by every time i pass the mirror below and to the right of my pull-up bar, when i look at myself.
i got the first two lines of the chorus, and the 'hey hey hey hey' bridge, from a parody i shared with the rest of the kids at carrier depression institute.  i was 20 i guess, but on the adolescent unit because my brain-trauma happened at 16.

come on, guys, can you achieve self-love?
well, there ain't nothing pro-gay about it...
...and i know from exper'ence

don't go for self-protest, baby
think self-love to the death
i know, i know i've got to
stay and inspect man in mirr'r
cuz manly 'dentity does not live here

i don't need therapy to make me feel i'm bold
chancies are, i roll like real man and won't stay for a drag-show, though
real esteem lives in big strong man whose inner-dude don't want gay vows
cuz he feels like a king on a throne, number one don't want to be let down

don't go for self-protest, baby
would self-love woo gay sex?
oh no, oh no, you've got to
shape in yourself, man you need
and baby then you'll know self-love ain't queers'

gay mens' poses, like "i'm gay from the start," much fear what's the heart of gay sex
as i think i'm very attractive, the fact is i lack in my head
it's absurd, accepting life's robotic, why's changing minds deemed as wrong?
second-best is never self-love, you'd do much better, gay thing, when you've grown

don't go for self-protest, baby
could you just take a hint?
i know, i know you're hot but
shape in yourself, man you need
and baby then you'll know self-love ain't queers'

impress yourself! you've got to wake and
impress yourself! hey hey hey hey
so if you want it right now, wake and grow a vow
accept what you've not, baby, tend til you've got!

then when you fall for mike or kenneth
think about self-love as your man
try to marry don, but you just won't let it
you'll be whacked with the need to impress yourself!

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