here is the log of the chat that occured as i was writing this song.
this chat wasn't the inspiration for the song, but attitudes like it were.

On November 14, 2009 at 02:56 AM, johnny1900 wrote: i'm drunk. how's your weekend going?

On November 14, 2009 at 06:21 AM, nicebehindofmine wrote: i may be seen as weird, but i do not get drunk since a couple years ago when i had the meanest headache. i don't know if i get worse headaches, since i have neurological problems from a brain-injury in 1990. someone asked me "what do you do," and i answered "i am an invalid who sits at home due to a brain-injury i had in 1990". i am not sure if his short response was a "don't ttalk to me anymore" or what.

i had a headache but i took an exedrin migraine a few hours ago and it is better now.

i babble, as well. like brooke. ha. like guns and roses, "all you need is just a little patience" when dealing with me. that''s probably maybe why the other guy was short in his response, i told him i write song parodies. it seems immature. my mom told me i need "behavior modification," through a therapist, i told her to stop trying to mold me, and i am not made of clay. so i wrote a parody of whitney houston's "my name is not susan" and called it "my name is not gumby" - i did not show it to her though. i told her the title, maybe she got the picture.

On November 14, 2009 at 11:40 AM, johnny1900 wrote: you are the most brilliant person ever
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
in fact, i'm not moping, i'm smiling - i live here, go nowhere
it seems to these men i'm freakish, no elations, they don't give ovations
they come round and speak their doubts to me
and i make them chime, "life must suck for you"
"you never fuck or wanna screw, cum's solo for you"
"keep on hiding what you go through, don't stop but it's easy seein' right through"

and they speak to me like gay priders to the church
mocking what i write like i know nothing of worth
come on, i'm your freakshow, i don't lay or live for cocaine or over-hangs

i want nothing else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby
i want nothing else to be whisking time away from i

my pride's no pose like a dolt's pride-parading, giving it like a show
and i wish they could be happy, some gays scam their smiles when they're bitchin bout my hate
do some crystal meth and let self-love start taking shape
but don't stop, be oh-so proud to need cock or a big buzz given from a-marijuan
and when your luck sucks, just take a hit and you'll be living
like you're competent, not an invalid half-dead
how can i make bashful you, i take a rhyme and i freak with my views
how can i make yourself feel fooled by gay schools' sex-ed

i want nothing else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby
i want nothing else to be whisking time away from i

i believe in the man who feels so whole, no need for relieving that mocks his being
i'm naive with my gaping holes seeing gorgeous lords and praising guys
men die if q, the deal is we've gone blind, cuz opposites ignite - it's spite
the men with same-sex in the bed are unmasc'line
they sell their friggin' pride, a pity they tripped on their hurt
can't feel alive unless they're cuddling with the guys
so feigned, such a fairy, get help you mess - insufficient guys lust the best
those little depressions, they have you vexed

"i love myself, but tell me hey how am i number one when i hold him and i stroke him
still, it's more than i want to know, just on me go down
feel my chest when your head will make me spout, i'm queer, i'm out and i'm proud
and i will justify pride, we're on new york just marching for our pride
the number one brawn-guy ain't i"

"i want something else to get me through this life, baby"
"i want something else, not listening when you hate my life, my pride, my lies"

goodbye

my pride's no pose like some dolt's pride-parading, giving it like a show
and i wish they could be happy, some gays scam it in the place they call vagi i i i na

i want nothing else
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