let me tell you a secret, put it in your heart and keep it, there's
something that i want you to know.
i'm not george michael, but this is the earliest masculivoid attribute
of my life. hairy armpits - a full head of hair under there.
i had no hair at all until after my head-injury, at 16.
it was slow to appear and slow to grow, and my armpits do not
have a full head of hair, but this fullness is what i had been jealous
of since i was comparing myself in the locker room.
this is what my homosexual attraction stems from. there was
shirtless benny and keith with hairy armpits, day after day, in the
locker room as early as 3rd or 4th grade. identity. there
were no sexual desires until either 4th or 5th grade, i know this
because i know the bedroom it happened in, when i found myself really
itchy i thought, i kept rubbing against the mattress to get rid of
the itch, and i can remember thinking "i came" when i got rid of it.
i didn't know about sex at that age, i thought that "i came" because
i did have friends back then and i guess i'd heard about it. i
know the bedroom it happened in, i moved there in the summer of '82,
i know this because i went to see e.t. with one of my new neighbors.
i am sure it was in '83 or '84 when i first came, because i
had established friends from school at that time. it may have
been '84 or '85, since i think i knew to think "i came" because i
heard tim talking about it - and tim moved into the area probably in
5th grade. i am quite sure he did not go to my grammar school,
just my middle school. also, a nightmare on elm street
came out in '84 and must've come to video in '85 - and i saw that at
mike's house with tim and some others.
benny and keith were jocks, i was not a jock and neither were any
of my close friends. though by 8th grade, benny and maybe even
keith came to my kickass sleepover birthday party. i remember a
picture i took from that great party, i had rented 'nightmare on elm
street' for the party, and the picture had my sister (who probably
came into the tv room the next day - the sleepover was me and maybe
11 of my male friends). anyway, the picture i remember had my
sister sitting on the floor near the tv, with her hand on her nose,
watching the scene where the bedsheets snake around someone's neck -
i think that was johnny depp.
anyway, that has nothing to do with the "i came," i just babble.
check out my site, www.jaggedlittledyl.com
, unless you're there now