on monday, i think, i shoved a cucumber almost halfway up my ass.
until saturday, i was either pooping liquid or staining my underpants.
i thought the cucumber made me incontinent, until saturday when i didn't leak.
"never again, will i stick anything up my ass," i vowed after giving thanks that i was alright

this is miss piggy's version from the muppet movie - i never heard the other version sung by someone with a "madonna-mole".

never before my screw-hole boinked a reason to go stag
false penis with much girth, i gave my ass
liquid's my waste, no shit's held in
never before and never again

i'm scared my heiney sure won't be returned
i shoved about some seven inches girth
i shoved for any guy who's hard
cuz when he fucks, he'll make a scar

mens' wood made way too fat
my hole, my derriere
i would reshape for fags
them males who're hung so rare, thick balls and girth
to fill my rectum of love with messes of cum

never before cucumber fuckin' boned me, got me off
i'm filled with something hard and wide, i'm harmed
liquid's my waste , no shit's held in
never before and never again
never before and never again
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