early morning, july 30 at around 6:30 i went downstairs for something to eat. a week or two ago, i had googled the one who took me in and gave me a place, when i was in maryland after the "retard home" fiasco in tennessee.

his name was marc, i found out that he died of pancreatic cancer in 2008 - a week or two before or after his brother died of the worst kind of skin cancer. i guess i was just trying to get some more information on them, i thought of writing his mom who i visited a lot with marc, and i kept reading.

dwayne, his brother, was "a tremendous athlete," one internet post read. he founded the "Christian Athletic Association" in 1985 for young people, and just did so much for the lord in his life. as did marc, who played piano for churches and church weddings and stuff.

dwayne's life made me wonder about my own. am i too cut-off from society to "spread the good news," as god wants us to do. as dwayne seemingly did in every aspect of his life? am i fooling myself, saying that i believe in god and thinking i am going to heaven when i die? is there really a god and a heaven, or is it all a story made up long ago to keep people in-line and to scare them from doing bad stuff?

glenn beck says, "question with boldness, even the existence of god himself" or something. i hate to do that, because in my mind it adds to the "not being a real christian" complex in my head. if i question the existence of god himself, maybe that's god's way of saying i am not firm in my beliefs.

so "i still believe, but," came to mind. so here is my parody of "i still believe," listed under mariah carey but i'm pretty sure i was around 6 or 7 when the original came out. oops, i just checked - i was almost 14 - i've heard the original more than mariah's, anyway.

you look at my life - do you guess you know i'll burn? or rise?
i'm going crazy cuz i feel you've touched my heart
and after all this time, i think that i should have ascertained
but "christ" may be just nothing but one big game

i still believe...but faith could be deemed a cry for help, a crutch for when
i'm sad to see tragic happenings - then i'll tell self there's a reason

each day of my life is filled with more-less joy when i write
you know that my site mocks no friends of christ
and it's quite sharp, i know, the libs get mad - they're moaning with most fags
it's surely quite affirming the path i'm on we share

so so so so so so believe me j.c.
i still believe that we will be together, oh oh oh
just see i need some proof of heaven after death
i need to know you bring to life, the dead

i still believe...but faith could be deemed a cry for help, a crutch for when
i'm sad to see tragic happenings - then i'll tell self there's a reason
SONG PARODY 1999-2001   2004   2005   2006   2007   2008   2009   2010   2011   2012   2013   2014   2015   2017

check out my site, www.jaggedlittledyl.com , unless you're there now