i thought to do "living on the edge" as "living with regret" when i remembered some gay chat member telling me that when i'm old i'll regret being on the computer all day. this was after thinking about when my mom said that the lonely "writer's life" she had grown accustomed to living was nothing compared to being in a city and being around people.

will i regret the life i am living now, once i am older? i would probably have to learn to regret it, because i don't regret it now. so my life's experiences will have to teach "future dylan" that "present dylan" would have been more fulfilled if he was doing something different with his time.

it's kind of the case i made against chastity bono's statement that she always knew she was a man trapped in a female's body. self-knowledge and feelings are learned by one's own experiences, so it's kind of impossible to know anything about yourself before you are given reason to know it. would i have known that my eyes were blue as a boy if i'd never seen a mirror? they're green now, but that's besides the point. would i have known that ice is cold without touching it or learning the properties of ice? would i have had reason to be psyched at the sight of mens' chest hair before i even knew what chest hair was? before i had the chance to form an opinion about it? before it represented something? the "gay gene," doesn't provide you with knowledge or any justification of feelings. i played victor velasco in "barefoot in the park" in 10th grade, he said "talent is something that must be cultivated". the same goes for knowledge and feelings (sexual or otherwise) - they don't just happen, they require a reason to be.

it seems i'd have to go through the left-wing's "re-education camp" and a complete metamorphosis of the mind if i were to one day regret my life. kind of like what turned the female into "Strongwoman," lord knows that's completely of the mind (or imagination).

here goes...

there's something wrong with my world today, i don't know what it is - someone's scorning my life
"you'll regret things that you did today, god knows you'll be pissed" - i sure ain't knowing why

i live with no regrets, you're giving me two-cents - your feelings you project while privy to no sense

there's something wrong when you yearn to say my life's no festive thing your head can realize
if you can't judge that i'm glad by the smile that i give, then mister needs a better sense of pride

i live with no regrets (you can't tell yourself i'm not weak)
give me your two-cents (you can't tell yourself i'm strong)
feelings you project (you can't help to say i'm lost)
privy to no sense

tell me what you think about my situation
mock my days spent in my basement, no sex in the room
your bitching, it'll tell me that my life is boring
even if i loved it, would you still come scorning that i'm dead
i'm dead to screw no men, no men and no sex and i'm dead with no sex

there's one big psyche in my world each day, and many want me shown it's wrong
well, i could tell 'em no or they could just behold how i'm laughing and praising god

i live with no regrets...
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