my second one this year regarding josh lane

early summer of 1991, i was in josh lane's car and going to see either terminator 2 or the naked gun 2/12, we stopped at the pnc bank in bloomsbury so he could get money from the mac machine (money access center). i am not sure where this memory of him happened, it could've happened when we went to see dying young (we only had a friendship which lasted for two movie-nights - or days...i'm not sure), but i remember him sliding his sunglasses down his nose so he could look at me eye-to-eye when he was talking to me.

hmn, actually he bowed his head a little and looked at me not through but above his sunglasses. which is how a nurse at tcmc (tennessee christian medical center) always looked at me to talk to me. i was there after the feigned suicide- attempt that was designed to get me out of the "retard home" in gallatin.

"he sat me down to talk to me, he looked me straight in the eye"
"he said 'you're no son, you're no son of mine'"

he didn't want to be around me because i didn't respect myself as a man, evidenced by my putting other men (namely, him) on pedestals. also evidenced by my own homosexual tendencies, which i don't think he actually knew anything about...so why am i babbling?

by telling me he couldn't be around me, he basically said 'you're no son, you're no son of mine'"

well, the key to my arrival at self-esteem from doubt
is mentioned throughout my cool e-zine's writings, i rhyme the gay out
queens forever easily seen through, "gay pride" regards "gay blinds"
and i'm seeing the day when i would cry, someone i loved scorned mine

i always think much about him since we'd parted, actually more than i'd like
youth, it had given me the fear of josh lane(s) - it's why i have no real ties
i couldn't stand to feel so slighted by the brother that i so needed then
i swore that that'd be the last i'd seek daddy's guidance, and i'd start boning men

my gay fun-time's a retreater, and how my wounds are absence-made
i hang my head cuz his heart pushed me out, the tragedy of josh lane

he sat me down to talk to me, he looked me straight in the eye,
he said "you're no son, you're no son of mine"
"you're no son, you're no son of mine"
"well, you're all doubt - you praise ev'ry guy"
"and you're no man, there's no man inside"

oh, his words, how they hurt me, i'll never forget it
and as the time, it went by, i lived to repent it

"you're no son, you're no son of mine"
but where should i go to man-up my dude?
"you're no son, you're no son of mine"
but i came to be helped, to hang around you

well, my years were sad and lonely, i thought about him every day
but he had schooled me, though absence he'd leave soon kept me running to gays
up and down the interstates and soon i'd have to face the facts
nineteen ninety-nine's when i'd talk alone, the first of the "blogging" fad

no gay fun-time in three years, oh, and now nude dudes rub the wrong way
i raise my head cuz his heart pushed me out, i've self-esteem of josh lane

he sat me down to talk to me, he looked me straight in the eye,
he said "you're no son, you're no son of mine"
"you're no son, you're no son of mine"
"well, you're all doubt - you praise ev'ry guy"
"and you're no man, there's no man inside"

oh, his words, how they hurt me, i'll never forget it
and as the time, it went by, i lived to repent it

"you're no son, you're no son of mine"
but where should i go to man-up my dude?
"you're no son, you're no son of mine"
but i came to be helped, to hang around you
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