this is another letter of complaint from my website of (homo)sexual assault that is WWW.JAGGEDLITTLEDYL.COM and WWW.ANTI-GAY.COM
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
back to the menu
dear sir or vagina:

i wrote this letter to club pittsburgh:

i haven't been to your bath-house in 5 years, but given that your address is on penn avenue and on the 4th floor, i feel it's safe to say that everything's "ever the same," to take a song by rob thomas.

you really should think about expanding your club so that it is comparable to cleveland's FLEX bath-house. i realize how nitwits of pittsburgh want to think that they're so superior to cleveland, but pittsburgh's bath-house is only one of many things that justifies pittsburgh as an inferior city when compared with cleveland. now, i do not want to get into more anti-pittsburgh hate-speech than i've already expressed at www.shittsburgh.org, and i'd rather not express my feelings about dim-witted fans of the steelers whose very existences and identities are justified by a football game, so i will just focus on the inferiority of pittsburgh as it relates solely to the bath-house.

though i once admired the fact that there is a bath-house i can go to when i want to express my naivete of the masculine gender (and "play with" mens' bodies like i'm some kind of masculivoid who's looking for answers in a discovery-zone), i find that your bath-house for masculivoids (that's my word for gay "men") is like a ghetto when compared with cleveland's. now, while such may be good enough for negroes, well, what about the people who are out of diapers and who strive for excellence (rather than relying on programs like affirmative action to compensate for what is an ever-present state of non-excellence)?

unlike pittsburgh's bath-house, cleveland's FLEX bath-house is not located on the 4th floor of a dinky little building. cleveland is superior because its bath-house is not far from superior avenue and it is in its OWN non-dinky building.

until i open MY gay bath-house in cranberry township (hopefully in the old DICKS building), i will be wasting gas to drive to cleveland rather than wasting time in pittsburgh's dinky bath-house. it's homophobia, really, because gay "men" already have the "masculivoid"-type gender-identity of a member of the lesser gender - pittsburgh is ridiculing us by providing a tiny bath-house to complement our tiny levels of masculine esteem. granted, i may not have enough masculine identity and masculine self-worth to regard myself as "man enough to be my man," but a dinky little bath-house for me to indulge in my dinky little state of masculine insufficience, well, it just slaps me in the face. as i'm sure it does for EVERY gay "man" who feels dinky and un-super enough to be curious of non-dinky supermen.

i'm sure that i am not the only one who would like to see the pittsburgh bath-house relocate to a bigger building, because right now...well, club pittsburgh is "just a little bitty pissant country place," if you know what i mean.

mr. dylan terreri, i
dr. sheldon cooper, ii
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"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
www.jaggedlittledyl.com/essays
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