this is another letter of complaint from my website of (homo)sexual assault that is
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
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dear sir or vagina:

this is my letter to the parody-group known as "the apologetix". i've emailed with j. jackson before, so i guess it's meant for him.

hello, brother-man, i am "jagged little dyl," my website of song parody is "," and i am your brother in parody. similar to parodies of the apologetix, my parodies are christian-based, but mine justify God's wrath and are anti-antichrist while yours are positive songs of praise and faith. hmn, there's a madonna parody in that sentence, madonna discovered alanis morissette, but i'm NOT here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. i simply am here to suggest a parody relating to local pittsburgh-area politics. now, i don't know whether VOGEL is a gay-affirming baby-killer or if he's a conservative, but the apologetix should do a parody of madonna's "vogue" and make it all about vogel. send it to his election headquarters, maybe they'll take us both off of their mailing list. i hate junk mail. and i stress "junk".

i won't attempt to write "voguel" - i'd have to research mr. vogel enough to make the parody, the parody relevant...and frankly, i do not care about politics. it's a "lesser of two evils" thing for me, and i keep away from the wetback-supporting, gay-affirming, "a woman can do anything a man can do"-believing (beLIEving) crowd by voting straight R. i mean, really, if we're going to give mexicans a free pass into america (as we gave to blacks), then mexicans should also be enslaved. it's only fair. blacks, actually, should be outraged that mexicans AREN'T being enslaved as a rite of passage. oh, i am serious...and don't call me "shirley".

as a side note, from believer to believer and from me to you, i believe that the whole "a woman can do anything a man can do" campaign is disrespecting god (pardon me, God) and his (His) work by misrepresenting it. it's not like the lesser gender is "tough enough" (there's a fabulous thunderbirds parody waiting to happen) not to rely on gender-based sports teams to triumph. dare i mention gender-based military requirements and gender-based eating competitions, but i often ask myself why so-called "Christians" are against God's creations enough to placate the lesser gender with the word "strong". every time i go to the gym, i realize the dunces that "strong women" are. i get angry that "strong" is almost a prefix to "woman," this is because of the size of barbells that "strong women" can(not) lift. besides being a mark of sexism, feminism is disrespect of God's creation. God created man and wombn, God must be so insulted when people insult his work and regard the genders as interchangeable...just as God should be insulted by people regarding chastity bono as a man. chastity bono is NOT a man, it is a fabrication and it belongs in a halloween freakshow where EVERYONE is wearing a costume and pretending to be something that they're not.

as another side-note, i believe that gays (and their cross-eyed gender-identities) are also guilty of the same disrespect. homosexuality is disrespect of God's creation because "men" who do not feel complete without a man in their lives are basically returning the man they were given and wanting a replacement. here follows another parody idea, probably more suited to "jagged little dyl" than to "the apologetix": poor, poor, pitiful me. "poor, poor, pitiful me, i need another man in my life because God created a masculivoid instead of a man who is whole enough to see other men through the eyes of an insider rather than through the eyes of an out-of-touch and gawking masculine slight". God doesn't make mistakes, therefore He didn't make anyone gay - nobody is born gay. nobody is born straight, for that matter, because gender-identities are realized through day-to-day experience, sexual attraction isn't realized until a child realizes who he is in relation to the genders around him. i was awarded a sexual attraction to my own gender when i realized who i was in relation to the genders around me - when being the last boy picked for teams in gym class became a regular thing. i realized who i was in relation to the genders around me when girls wouldn't swoon over me like they did over the athletes. i realized who i was in relation to the genders around me every day in the locker room until i was halfway through my teens - armpits, armpits everywhere but not a hair on mine.

i realized who i was in relation to the genders around me because i didn't tend to myself and i didn't do anything to earn anything reminiscent of masculine esteem. i credit josh lane, a football-hero at delaware valley regional high school, for providing me with a basis for self-love and self-respect. i have come to regard self-love and self-respect as wholly anti-gay because, well, what'd the vagina say to her husband when the man became a philanderer?

"am i not woman enough for you"

it is an insult to every man's masculine esteem to stare wide-eyed and gaping-mouthed at any naked specimen of manhood, it doesn't matter if the perfect specimen of manhood is tim tebow or josh lane or matthew muchnok. homosexuality is self-insulting, and it has NOTHING to do with self-love or self-respect. self is reality, gender-identity is a matter of one's mind, and minds can be changed. let me repeat that: minds can be changed. a mind possessing a complete disinterest in football can be changed by moving to a town in western pennsylvania which is full of dimwitted nitwits whose very existences revolve around a schedule of home-games. a mind possessing a complete disinterest in gambling can be changed by a single trip to a casino. last, but certainly not least, a boner's burning desire to jump into bed (or onto a sling) with any big and strong and hairy-chested football player has been changed by the realization of masculine identity so that it is simply a boner with little desire to do anything but ejaculate.

i am not going to enjoy sexy times with anyone just because my mind saw reason to give me a boner. likewise, i am not going to enjoy being in casinos just because my mind has a gambling addiction. whether i am attracted to gambling or to masculine images, a mental or physical hard-on for either does not warrant or justify my enjoyment of either. there has to be a reason for my semen, if you will. as a skinny slight of a man, i was always in awe of perfect masculine bodies. "opposites attract" is just another way of saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or even "absence makes the dick grow longer". there is a reason for the semen. taking a line from a screenplay i've posted on my site, i will continue: "opposites" is what you feel inside about yourself, it's not strictly male or female on the outside! i'm jealous, therefore i lust! i'm jealous of your body like you're jealous of saxy's! i need a man in my life for the same reason you need a vagina, i feel left out!

the preceding paragraphs are another reason i could not write "voguel" - it's because it seems that everything i write turns into a gay-bashing, vagina-bashing metropolis which belittles masculine wannabees - whether they are females wanting masculine bodyweight/bodyheight/bodystrength, or gay "men" wanting masculine identity. this is another reason i could not write "voguel," but i could sure be in the video. when i was 15, i would watch the following video over and over again, trying my best to emulate every move:

having expressed my idea to do a parody of madonna's "vogue" and relate it to "vogel," i will end my letter to the apologetix.

mr. dylan terreri, i
dr. sheldon cooper, ii
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna

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