this is another letter of complaint from my website of (homo)sexual assault that is
WWW.JAGGEDLITTLEDYL.COM and WWW.ANTI-GAY.COM
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
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dear sir or vagina:

i've been subject to homophobic sentiment today, and i am sending this letter to newspapers and magazines (as well as to gay activists and transvestite activists) because i believe that gay rights should be shown to everyone (gays and straights and even gay-bashers). i must make something known.

i was utterly OFFENDED and HUMILIATED when i went to the "giant eagle" grocery store in cranberry township, pennsylvania. hmn, i wonder why i put proper names, like "giant eagle," in quotation marks when i do not use quotation marks for "cranberry township, pennsylvania". i mean, i use quotation marks more often than they should be used because i absolutely REFUSE to use capital letters...oh, look at that.

ahem, well i meant to say that i capitalize "giant eagle" with quotation marks when i don't capitalize "cranberry township" with quotation marks. oh, look at that. hmn...i'm digging myself into a hole i'm not sure i'll be able to get out of.

well, to get on with my letter, i was utterly OFFENDED and HUMILIATED when i went to the "giant eagle" grocery store today - and NOT just because i spoke to that most perfect specimen of manhood who's always twirling his keychain at the front of the store i wasn't offended or humiliated by anything i had to say to him because i knew enough not to say anything. i just gazed at him from afar, but i WAS somewhat offended at someone who could have only been described as a "grumpy old man"..

so i called a woman a vagina, big deal, i refer to EVERY member of the milk-spouting and egg-bleeding gender as a vagina. i don't have anything against them personally, though i wouldn't trust a "strong woman" to be spotting me if i'm using a 100-pound barbell (or even a 60-pound barbell), and i am so vagina-friendly that i've been watching "the golden girls" since 1985. let me find my old sophia petrillo costume to say "PICTURE IT".

picture it, august 15th at around noon, i was walking from the frozen vegetable aisle to the self-checkout stations when an old man mumbled something like "put some clothes on". now, i'm a summertime cross-dresser simply because they don't sell short-shorts for men at wal-mart. along with short-shorts, i was wearing my home-cut "steelers" shirt which bared as much chest-cleavage as i see on members of the lesser (shorter, smaller, weaker) gender. i usually run into no bigotry at giant eagle or anywhere in cranberry township.

now, i wouldn't wear short-shorts meant for vaginas if i'd permit myself to wear a speedo. i cannot wear a speedo because my "package" is comparatively small when compared to my ego. well, not comparatively, it IS small, and this is why i cannot wear a speedo. i'd be laughed at and it would hurt my feelings. yes, like malcolm, i said the F word. i guess i'm going to be picked on by reese and dewey and whoever else reads this letter. yes, feelings, i'm sorry if i'm human and i have feelings that make me sad when i'm picked on for the size of my schlong. my schlong just doesn't measure up to real mens' schlongs, but the self-image of not being man enough is what spawns a need for (or at least a curiosity of) a real man...and i'm PROUD of being gay, so i don't care what anyone says. i don't wear a speedo because i can't roll out any "heavy artillery" when it's time for lovemaking. or humping my pillow.

back to the grumpy old man - after he mumbled something, i immediately turned around and deliberately walked past him a second time. he didn't say anything, so i turned around again and walked by him. he said something like "put some damned clothes on," and (thinking i was making a friend) i went over and introduced myself to him. after mumbling something under his breath, he pretty much said something i took as a refusal of my handshake and of my friendship.

let me just say that i have never been so insulted in my life. i bet he never said "put some clothes on" to members of the lesser gender as they're strutting around like sheena easton in the same revealing attire. the people of cranberry township need to exhibit tolerance and acceptance, simply because cranberry township will be known as a very bigoted town if people like the grumpy old man are not re-educated so that they accept the "men" whose masculine gender-identity is slight enough to elicit cross-dressing. the people of cranberry township need to accept "men" whose masculine gender-identity is slight enough to make them feel outcasted enough from the masculine majority to elicit a desire to discover men ("discover," as in "remove the clothing that covers").

i used to think that cranberry township DIDN'T have a problem with people suffering from gender-identity issues. for crying out loud, feminism and the gender-identity issue of "a woman can do anything a man can do" seems to be tolerated and accepted around here (evidenced by the fitness center for "strong women" which has absolutely no man-sized barbells), so why are people around here so prejudiced against other gender-identity issues? why are they prejudiced against masculivoids who see "discovery zones" in members of their own gender? to quote maroon 5, i'll just say "something's gotta change, things cannot stay the same".

CRANBERRY TOWNSHIP SHOULD PUT A STOP TO ALL HOMOPHOBIC ACTIONS - I WAS THE VICTIM OF "HATE SPEECH" TODAY WHEN A GRUMPY OLD MAN TOLD ME TO "PUT SOME DAMNED CLOTHES ON". IT IS HOMOPHOBIA IF SOMEONE DOES NOT ACCEPT GAY "MEN" FOR THE MASCULIVOIDS THAT THEY ARE...OR FOR THE GENDER-IDENTITY ISSUES THEY EMBRACE.

mr. dylan terreri, i
dr. sheldon cooper, ii
www.anti-gay.com
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"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
www.jaggedlittledyl.com/essays
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