this is another letter of complaint from my website of (homo)sexual assault that is
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
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dear sir or vagina:

from the desk of

to mcdonald's and wal-mart in cranberry township:

though i am wary of writing letters of complaint after a vaginal veterinary hospital not far from cranberry township had gotten a lawyer to threaten me with a lawsuit if i complained to anyone else (through speech or online) about the hospital's sexist hiring practices (13 wombn and 0 men), i will assume that there are no vaginas at the head of either company i am writing about...and therefore i will make a legitimate complaint without fearing that some egg-bleeding vagina is going to get some lawyers to harass me like they're some kind of big black mountain and i'm some kind of little green valley.

today, january 23rd, i feel that i may have been poisoned at the mcdonald's inside of the wal-mart in cranberry township, pennsylvania. i ordered a snack-wrap with honey-mustard sauce, and i took two bites of it - each with a sour expression on my face after tasting it. i smelled it and it didn't smell bad, though i only had to take two bites before i wrapped it up and threw it back on my tray. i continued to drink the iced tea that i had bought from wal-mart beforehand, but i stopped eating and i proceeded to look at the set of waterguns i bought at the same time i bought the tea.

i would think that i'd have gone out to my car to drive home after disposing of the snack-wrap, but that may have been when i bought the electric tape. i am not sure if i bought the tape before i got the snack-wrap or after, but once i got out to my car and started cutting the tape into pieces with my teeth...well, that is when i noticed how much the electric tape had the same taste as my snack wrap. that's why i think there was something unfit to eat in my snack wrap.

oh, that sounds odd, doesn't it? i was only cutting the tape with my teeth because i didn't have scissors. you see, i was putting the black electric tape over my orange watergun. it looks like a real weapon now, it's kind of humorous...i can't wait til someone from another public school invites me to be his date at the school's costume party - i'd go as "billy the kid". it's funny, isn't it - i only know of that boy "from wheeling, west virginia" because billy joel did a song about him.

well, i am sure that the terrible taste of the honey-mustard snack-wrap was just a terrible taste. i guess i don't think i was poisoned...i guess i can't be sure, though, but i find it doubtful. i don't feel sick, but that snack-wrap was literally UNBEARABLE to eat. that's why i gave up after bite #2.

i'd settle for anyone from school, but i'd LOVE to go to the costume party with the big strong football-playing hunk of a man named matthew muchnok. in the words of sandy olsen from 'grease,' i'll say "he was so nice to me this summer".

thank you,
dylan terreri, i
sheldon cooper, ii
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna

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