this is another letter of complaint from my website of (homo)sexual assault that is
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
back to the menu
dear sir or vagina:


instead of e-mailing a letter of complaint to the north park lounge in cranberry township, i thought i'd share my experience and push for a boycott. though the food was good - my date even called it "excellent" - we waited 30 minutes to get the food. the waiter passed our table many times without saying anything, he passed it once and said he'd check on the food, but he didn't even respond when asked about the 30 minute wait, he just shrugged it off. while we were waiting, i kept telling my date that we should just leave, but she did not want to. our server was not a vagina, though the employee who had shown us to our table was. hmn, now that i am thinking about it, the vagina was told by my date not to seat us near the table of loud kids. when i think about it, i figure that the vagina may have gabbed (as vaginas are known to do) to her co-workers, calling us "intolerant" or "bigoted" or any of the other popular words that liberals use to judge people, and maybe this was the reason it took the waiter 30 minutes to deliver our food.

well, we had a waiter who looked like adam levine from maroon 5. i had expected better service from a man because i thought a man would not let his feelings get in the way of his job...but apparently he was not as stable as men should be and therefore gave manhood a bad name. i mean, i have experienced many little vaginas of the area taking 30 minutes in bringing food to the table, i don't expect more from them because they are too insecure and too proud to be providing good service to anyone such as myself who runs a PAC known as "," but i expect men to have actual spines. sadly, i guess it's not just the little vaginas who throw hissy-fits when anyone dares to criticize any womb who calls herself "Strongwoman" while not being able to budge a 100-pound barbell. i guess some grown men also think that it's not right to criticize and question and ridicule members of the lesser gender who are so often trying to justify themselves with the line: "a woman can do anything a man can do".

come to think of it, though, maybe our adam levine wasn't a grown man - maybe he was emotionally stunted enough to actually look at other men through the eyes of a curious outsider. maybe he was a masculivoid. hmn...i guess gays and vaginas are one in the same, both lacking masculine gender-identity and wanting to "play with" mens' bodies like they're in some kind of "discovery zone". maybe i shouldn't expect a man to be stable just because i see a male. maybe i should understand that the male could be gay...and far from being a man. incidentally, the reason i put "man" in quotation marks when i refer to gay "men" is because anyone who looks wide-eyed and gaping-mouthed at another man is not "straight" with masculinity or masculine identity, and therefore is not "straight" with himself as a man. so why not use quotations? gay "man".

i questioned my date when she left a $2 tip, i guess she didn't feel comfortable leaving nothing, though she did tell me that she was going to leave $5. the entire lunch took at least 45 minutes to an hour, and if these are the kinds of people that the cranberry township north park lounge hires...well, let me send a shout-out to anyone who is thinking about dining there: DON'T. or, as shania twain once said, "whatever you do...DON'T!"


mr. dylan terreri, i
dr. sheldon cooper, ii
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna

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