this is another letter of complaint from my website of (homo)sexual assault that is
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
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baby, i developed this way

i have so much interest in computers. was i born this way, or did i pick up the interest through life's experiences? i certainly wasn't born with any interests at all - i don't think i was even born with the ability to be interested in anything - though i think i am safe to assume that little babies are curious of everything. so my interest in computers probably was probably born of my own naivete-slash-misunderstanding of computers, and developed thereafter.

i may have been 6 or 7 when i first started playing "munchman" at my friend's house. "pac-man" was popular before that, and i'm sure i played it at a restaurant called pistelli's. i was playing the atari 2600 as early as 1983 or 1984 at a few friends' houses.

i don't believe i had touched a computer before "pac-man" came out. my experience with computers had only been video games, up until my father got the ibm pcjr in 1984 (when i was ten years old).

i first started playing games on the pcjr. i soon moved into programming, using the BASIC cartridge. i had continued with programming and playing games, through grade school and high school, and at 15 i had made a "most valuable homework" for geometry class. i made a small-time "animation" and featured the answers to the homework's questions while a fire was getting ready to burn and the lyrics to billy joel's "we didn't start the fire" appeared onscreen at the moment they were sung. for the eventual record to vhs, i connected the record-player to the audio-in jack of the vcr and the computer to the video-in jack. and i brought the vhs tape to geometry class.

it was probably the summer of 1993 when i got my first notebook computer. i played games on it, the "king's quest" and "leisure suit larry" anthologies, mostly. i first got onto the internet using aol in 1996, after i had moved out of my parents' house in new jersey and into a town-house in doylestown,, pennsylvania. i used aol mostly for the chat-rooms, though i did buy a lot of christmas'96 presents right online.

by the summer of 1997, i reserved a domain-name and intended to start a website. nothing came of that, but i started my current homesite in may of 1999 (though i reserved the domain in early 1999).

besides the mens' underwear pages of the "jc penney" catalogues, by age 10 i was a boy who was always looking through the technology/electronics sections. stereos, mostly - i loved the record-player i got around 1988, it sensed where one song ended and another began, i was able to press the number (or numbers) of songs that i wanted to hear. i still like to look through electronics sections of catalogs.

my parents bought me a little record-player when i was very young, as well as lot of "book and record" stories to hear and read. they got me the soundtrack to "grease," which i saw in the theatres when i was 4 - it was my favorite movie as a little boy. i would emulate john travolta's singing and dancing constantly. they got me the soundtrack to "saturday night fever," as well.

the interest that i had of computers and music was not and could not have been formed before i knew what computers and music were. they could not have been formed before they were a part of my life's experiences. interests develop through life's experiences, i was not born to write parodies of songs, i was not born to be using the computer all day. i was not born to prefer ankle-socks over tube-socks, i was not born to prefer gas-guzzling SUVs over little cars. i don't know if i'd wear ankle-socks if i didn't take notice of jason hessler-smith's ankle-socks one day in the "band room". i don't think i'd have bought my first SUV - a jimmy - if i didn't want to paint a picture of my dog on the back-tire cover and airbrush out the "j" to make "jimmy" read "timmy". i know that i wouldn't have favored the SUV all of my adult life, if timmy didn't make me get my first. i am pretty safe to assume that i wouldn't have switched from tube-socks to ankle-socks without taking notice of jason's.

as for gawking at the "perfect specimens of manhood" in the "jc penney" catalog, if i was a little more content with myself as a boy - if i actually realized and regarded myself as "man enough" in the face of the boys/men i looked up to - i know that i would not have a self-image problem and/or a curiosity of unrealized masculinity.

mr. dylan terreri, i
dr. sheldon cooper, ii
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
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