this is another letter of complaint from my website of (homo)sexual assault that is
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
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how to prepare for gay sex, and how to know you'd enjoy it

speaking from experience, i know that the more curiosity i have of the gender of the person in my bed, the more interest and "discovery-zone" type of enjoyment and fulfillment i will receive by inspecting another human's body.

the less of a sense of gender-identity that anyone has, the more they are going to try to discover that gender. this is the thesis behind the whole "opposites attract" sensibility. as a boy, i had a sister named laurel who had a nickname for me: "GRIT". most every day, she didn't regard me as masculine enough to call me anything but a "mixture between a GIRL and an IT". as a boy, i felt outcasted from other boys because i was skinny and weak and had no athletic ability. nothing in my life told me that i was "man enough," not laurel and not my classmates and, therefore, not me. from an early age and through my teens and twenties, i did not regard myself as the perfect specimen of manhood - i did not even regard myself as a man, and it is because of the lack of masculine self-love and self-respect i had then...that i love to discover every inch of masculinity now.

it really bothered me as a boy - not being as physically-capable as other members of my own gender were. it bothered me to feel outcasted from my own gender in the same way that straight boys must've felt outcasted from the opposite gender. this sense of feeling outcast from a gender brings to mind the little boy in madonna's "open your heart" video, always impairing his sight by holding one hand over an eye, trying to imagine seeing a girl who was inside of the strip-club that he wasn't allowed in. i enjoyed looking at strong mens' bodies because there had always been a misunderstanding of masculinity in my life, ever since i realized (and accepted) the hazy shade of "masculine" which existed within myself.

a year or so after madonna's "vogue" video came out, i joked with scott cariddi (the fall-play director) that i was going to dress in madonna's cone-bra for halloween. i shared the transvestite's mind-set in my lack of acceptance of my own physical state of gender. i didn't regard my having a penis as a "mistake," i just didn't have enough of a sense of masculine identity to take my gender seriously.

if i had as much masculine identity as any feminist had, i would have been a complete man. i had a masculine body and lacked a masculine identity, feminists have a masculine identity and lack a masculine body. it's too bad i had nobody to talk me into a sense of masculine self-worth when i was in school - girls' senses of masculine gender-identity are cultivated 24 hours a day ("a woman can do anything a man can do"), but i'm sure it's considered "anti-gay" (and therefore illegal) for anyone to cultivate a little boy's sense of masculine gender-identity so that he grows into a complete man (rather than into a masculivoid who's searching for the man of his dreams).

nobody is going to have any interest in discovering members of their own gender if their sense of gender-identity corresponds to their own physical state of gender. likewise, nobody is going to have any interest in the opposite sex if their sense of gender-identity does not correspond to their own physical state of gender. that's how to prepare for gay sex, by determining if it's something you'd have enough interest in to actually enjoy.

mr. dylan terreri, i
dr. sheldon cooper, ii
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna

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