this is a scene from my screenplay, 16 til i die.
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16. ext. under boardwalk - day
clyde approaches andy.
andy (to clyde)
i'm sorry for being arrogant. saying, "hmmn, a
performer" to you the way i did was to rise above
my own feelings of inadequacy.
what do you mean?
i mean, i scoffed at your dreams to be an actor
like me because you're so much better than me at
everything else! you have abundantly hairy arm-
pits and a hairy chest and a meaty body! i had to
feel worth something in your presence, pride saves
the day for self-proclaimed losers like me!
what are you saying?
i'm saying that opposites attract, be that man/wo-
man, confident man/insecure man, or even half-the-
woman/epitome of 'woman'! "opposites" is what you
feel inside about yourself, it's not strictly male
or female on the outside! i'm jealous, therefore
i lust! i'm jealous of your body like you're
jealous of saxy's! i need a man in my life for
the same reason you need a woman, i feel left out!
don't be a masculine insufficiency, love yourself!
andy (taken aback)
i love myself!
do you?
yeah! did you see how high i was holding my head
when i was talking to j.d. and his friends before?
that was no commonplace q facade, it's proof! i
was independent!
yeah, i saw you with those dumbbells, i know you
were trying your hardest to be like j.d. i also
know you said, "hmmn, a performer" to me like
that cuz you were trying your hardest to be like
tamy. you've been trying to be like so many dif-
ferent people, dylan would've included living co-
lour's "cult of personality" in this act if it
wasn't already chock full of 1990 music!
i'm the cult of personality?
andy pauses.
andy (cont)
i was a proud asshole to you guys, i admit it! i
take back everything i did, please take me back as
your friend!
andy, you said things that can't be taken back.
and you weren't proud, you were arrogant. you
said it yourself, "pride saves the day for self-
proclaimed losers like me," what did you mean?
think. i'm a man, yet i see things in other men
that are taboo enough to arouse me! it's not say-
ing a hell of a lot about my masculine self-image.
i'm sure not "every man," it's not "all in me".
you're right, whitney.
and i don't want other people to be aware of how
weak i feel, so i'll throw a gay pride parade to
pull the wool over both our eyes!
andy dons a pair of shades.
and stick your tongue out like an jealous, foot-
stomping child, huh? "nyah, nyah, i don't like
being different from you, but instead of changing
my behavior i'll flaunt it - in your face - til
the cows come home!" what kind of self-respecting
adult has that kind of attitude?
there is a pause.
gay pride parades are more like gay pride facades?
you said it, not me.
there is a pause, as andy comprehends.
oh, just please be my friend!
why should i wanna be friends with someone who
doesn't even love himself?
i do love myself!
don't you see what you're doing by lusting after
me, another man? you're not loving yourself as a
man, you're loving yourself as a masculine insuf-
i don't love saxy! i need another woman in my
life because next to claudia, she doesn't compare!
why do you need another man in your life besides
the man you are?
because i'm gay!
that's just an excuse! just because you have a
homosexual attraction doesn't mean you have to a-
dopt a gay lifestyle.
what am i supposed to do, it takes years to lose a
homosexual lust.
if you're governed by lust, you don't belong in a
free country. you're a slave.
well, everybody sins, god will forgive me.
why should he, your actions certainly don't say
you're sorry for your behavior. the faggots of
sodom and gomorrah weren't sorry either, look what
happened to them.
everybody sins. period.
claim yourself q and you're living there!
(pauses) you're so obsessed with mary, why don't
you take her advice?
don't go for second best, baby.
there is a pause.
i'm attracted to men, what do you want me to do,
go for myself?! i was born this way!
quit pulling the wool over your eyes, take respon-
sibility! you said it yourself, opposites attract,
even for gays! christ, don't be that way, "accept
what you've not, baby, tend 'til you've got. im-
press yourself." be strong enough to be your man.
you're the cult of personality, mr. top ten.
good, top ten is maybe something you can relate
to. how 'bout this one: "sometimes old men die
with little boy faces"?
how 'bout it?
if you keep seeing men the way you do now, you're
gonna be one of 'em someday.
there is a pause, as andy comprehends.
what are you trying to do to me?
what are you trying to do to yourself, letting
your libido determine the course of your life?!
i love men and women equally, but god gave me the
lust i feel. so i have no choice but to be gay.
clyde (pausing)
pro-gay really brainwashed you, didn't they?
that's what they're here for, to brainwash youth
and to get them to live life for lust!
free your mind, andy, different is good. don't be
so tied up in the selfish "same sex or no sex at all"
it's hard to change my wanton desires.
it's easy to change your behavior. rise above lust,
it's unhealthy and quite naive. it's like a giant
question mark. q. that's gays, their whole life is
one big q. "duh, let's strip and inspect ourselves!"
to each his own. i'm not gonna change my behavior if
it's fun!!! some men are happy to need other men,
it's fun for them! fun, fun, fun! whoopie!!!
andy puts his thumb in his mouth.
some "men" put up a front to quiet their inner man
who has been driven to tears. real men are man
enough to be their own man, that's self-love.
that's independence.
andy (violated)
shut up, i'm independent! just because anna acts
like a mom and overprotects me, doesn't mean i'm
dependent on people! i can make it on my own!
i didn't mean it that way.
yes, you did! i'm independent, no matter what you
say, nobody can take that away from me!
i meant that you're choosing not to be an indepen-
dent man. you can't stand on your own two hairy
legs - you won't stand on your own two masculine
legs - you need another pair to feel complete!
that's a deficiency, and it's not a matter of ge-
netics, if you think there's anything chemical a-
bout the insufficience you feel without another
man in your life, you're pulling the wool.
two men can love! just as well as heterosexuals!
and two dads can love their child just as much!
their child?! what a joke, gay parenting is so
fucking self-important, gays proclaim their life-
style to be so much better than straights', but
then they have the nerve to take the very product
of heterosexuality and claim it as their own! the
sad thing about it is that it's no family, it's
just fucking long-term babysitting!
andy is listening carefully.
clyde (cont)
and what the hell kind of values can be impressed
onto a kid with gay parents, but "be selfish/only
accept what is like you," or "ignore different
people like they don't exist"? christ, fags want
to abolish the age of consent cuz they want dibs
on kids before maturity gets it.
andy (pausing)
nambla is well-received, a lot more than namgla.
there's no north american man/girl lust association
cuz straight men aren't perverted sex fiends who get
off on controlling and manipulating youth! gays are
perverts society embraces in exhchange for a feeling
of self-worthiness in a land of open minds!
you're homophobic.
call me what you will, but if you wanna believe
there's nothing detremental to a masculine soul,
about finding security, fulfillment, and something
excitably taboo in another one, it's your loss.
andy (pausing)
i'm not denying my own masculinity! i don't see
masculinity as a taboo! i just like...real men!
andy's eyes drop to clyde's naked chest.
what's homosexuality responsible for besides a big
disease with a little name growing into a gigantic
epidemic? andy, i wanna get to know you, i really
wanna be your friend, but i can't be around grown
men who look at other men through the eyes of a
child. i feel the shame you refuse to.
clyde walks back to the suck and blow game, and andy is heartbroken.
there is a long pause, as andy sits there violated.
andy (yelling to clyde)
fuck you, clyde! fuck all of you lemons! i'm
starting over! i'll move far away from you!
fade out
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