it's november 3 today. 5:32 am and i just got out of the shower, after watching grown men stick bottles and cucumbers up their asses online. "how does one get that loose," i thought, and went into the shower to see what i could get up there. i sat on a mop handle and got a tube the size of a half-dollar up, got my fingers and thumb up - and after a little while i saw blood. i stuck one more thing up and it was still there, so i stopped.
note to self, don't let anything up there that's either human or otherwise able to transmit a disease through the bloodstream.
the half-dollar sized tube, i stuck up there and tried to pour mouthwash in as i was on the floor. i don't know how much got in. i guess i can do what i already sometimes do, put toothpaste and mouthwash on a toothbrush and stick it up and rotate.
i guess my goal is to fit a cucumber up there. once i tried a banana, but it smooshed just trying to push it through.
"one time, he tried to screw a grapefruit, but that's it"
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, unless you're there now